Turning a Page

3 Men and a little baby :)

2012-02-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

The first 2 weeks of having Sariah home have been GREAT! Matthew found a friend or family member to help me every day for 10 days - it was a huge blessing and we are truly grateful! Recovering from a c-section is no picnic. And years down the road when we're crazy enough to do this all again, we're sending the older siblings on vacation for 2 weeks! We love you all and thank you for your prayers and support. :) Enjoy some pictures! These were taken from my phone, so not the greatest quality - we'll get more later.

Just precious!

We love the strawberry bum - and she's so tiny!

The best I could look after just having my insides cut open... but yay, it's over!

FINALLY SNOW! This is the morning I went into labor :) Beautiful, memorable day!

Sariah's Dramatic Entrance

2012-01-24T15:29:00.003-07:00

13 days prior to Sariah's due date, I was feeling short of breath off and on around 1pm at church. I thought it's just because I was singing and standing a lot (i am the chorister for the children's class). At 2pm, I was getting short of breath in regular intervals, it was 2 minutes apart! After a couple hours, I told some family (and my jan/feb birth facebook group) I was in labor and my sister in Az decided to drop everything and drive here!

It continued for 8 hours, not really increasing in intensity, which was weird. Even though the original plan was to avoid the hospital until water broke or I was in severe pain, I decided I wanted to head over at midnight to see what the heck was going on.

I was only 1 stinking centimeter! I told the nurse that earlier today baby girl was transverse and now I didn't know if she was head up or down. After using an ultrasound, it was confirmed the little booger was diagonally head up.

I believe they call it an external cephalic version (ECV), when they use their hands to turn the baby into the right spot. Because it's a painful procedure and baby's heart rate could drop dramatically from this process, they require an epidural and to be prepped for Csection. I was also given Procardia in an attempt to stop labor. Now I was devastated and scared. For my previous 3 children, I delivered without an epidural. If I ever chose to get one, I wanted it to be my choice. I hated the way it made me feel. I was bawling my eyes out for the whole epidural procedure. I laughed a little when I thought, how many women get upset because they DON'T want an epidural?

Apparently the dose was too high. My heartrate jumped to 130 while my blood pressure bottomed out at 80/40. I was given a medication for bp and oxygen to help me calm down. The low blood pressure made my head heavy and dizzy, that in combination with the feeling of pins and needles from toes to breasts was awful.

They shaved me, had me in the OR and on the operating table, I was so scared. 3 doctors performed the EVC (with a bunch more watching). It was a success!

My baby girl was head down now and they broke my water, encouraging as much of the fluid as possible to exit so she doesn't have a pool to play in. I requested to let the epidural meds wear off so I could do my thang the rest of the labor. It takes 1-2 hours to wear off.

So about an hour later, I was checked and the head that was supposed to be engaged in the pelvis was gone. :( In his 20 years, the attending had never seen a baby rotate so far with so little water. It was extremely risky to attempt an ECV with so little water, but I really wanted them to try. Three doctors and all efforts later, nothing! In fact, she had her arm and shoulder wedged into my pelvis preventing that space from being occupied by a head. They consulted with the head of the OB department and it was determined now me and baby are at risk for a placental abruption.

They planned a csection around noon. I was in tears, not only did I get forced into my first epidural, now I was having a cesarean section.

I was scared and worried because not only was this the only surgery I have ever endured, but we aren't insured. What was going to cost us $6000 would now be costing over $30,000...

I accepted the reality of being given an epidural right after the first one had just worn off. I also accepted that I was going to experience having a c section.

Thankfully, the dosage was perfect for the 2nd epidural. I was alert and comfortable enough to listen to what was going on while they performed surgery to bring my baby girl into this world.

The maneuvering and tugging during the process of bringing Sariah out felt long-lasting and painful. She was born at 12:16, 6 pounds 10 ounces, 18 1/2 inches long.

After I was sewed back up, thinking all the bad news was over, 2 doctors approached me with matter-of-fact expressions. They explained what happened when Sariah came out. First, the shoulder and arm she had lodged into my pelvis appeared. They do not get babies out by the arms, so they shoved it back in and went for the feet, a good way to get baby out in a c section. They couldn't get access to the feet and now they were starting to worry about Sariah being distressed. They made a 2nd uterine incision, this time vertical. They moved her head forward and finally got her out. The 2nd incision makes it impossible for me to deliver vaginally.

I do intend to have one or two more, so this news is heart breaking. Still, our baby girl is beautiful and healthy. I do believe things happen for a reason.

The next day, my doctor told me more about what happened. She told me there was a circle of tissue on my uterus that did not stretch and thin out like the rest, and that is where Sariah's head was. So it may not be 100% her fault. ;)

Stephen stephen stephen...

2011-12-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

So, did the news of Stephen breaking his pinky again make the blog? Back at the end of October/early Nov - Stephen broke his pinky while Ice Skating.

We let him keep the brace off as of 1-2 weeks ago, yay. BUT last night, we were out to dinner and while we were waiting, Stephen slipped and fell - hitting his mouth on the bench. He's done this countless times, no big deal - teeth and gums bleed a lot. When we moved to brighter light, got some napkins and water, and took a real look...it was officially bad. Poor guy bit THROUGH his lip with four teeth.

Luckily, the urgentcare facility was NOT busy, they could treat him (kids and lips are difficult, but he made the cut!) AND the restaurant is reimbursing us for the bills - hallelujah!

I had to tell this story because there were some parts that I never want to forget! At a couple points, we had the receptionist and nurse ask if he's allergic to any medications. His response, "I'm allergic to snakes." "Mommy, tell them I'm allergic to snakes." And he was very serious.

Poor thing needed four people to hold him down while they administered lidocaine. The freaking out from that was over and now he was laying down just waiting for the stitches. While we were waiting, he felt his swollen lip with his hand and said, "what's this?" I said, "That's your lip, you can't feel it because that medicine made it numb."

Stephen started to cry, "I want to feel my lip!"

I quickly reassured him that it was only going to be for about an hour and then he would be able to feel it again.

They gave him a token for being good to pick out a prize when we were leaving. He analyzed the options very carefully before making his selection from the machine. It was SO COOL, he wanted to make sure Patrick had one. The machine took quarters too, so I let him get Patrick one. I wanted to cry. Patrick always would gladly accept a prize for himself without thinking twice (I probably would too as a kid). This just reminded me when it comes to people, Stephen CARES :) I love that he has this trait at such a young age.

Of course he was treated to ice cream afterwards since he never had dinner and had such a miserable night. He only ate a few spoonfuls before he was feeling too tired.

Let's hope he won't get an infection!!!

Oh yes - Pictures!

2011-12-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

William's nice hair - don't have a "birthday" pic of him...

Patrick's cute hockey team!

I love this face :)

Birthdays!!!

2011-12-08T08:43:00.001-07:00

PATRICK TURNED 7!!!
(Let's all pretend I can go back in time and insert this on Nov. 15th.)

Patrick has been through more than was necessary in his life. He's a tough kid and very compassionate. He was 3 years old when Matthew and I were split up for 6 months. That six months was rough on me, but I'm sure even harder on them. Patrick recalls memories from that time frame a LOT - he has such a good memory! He was very patient with me functioning on 3 hours of sleep for that period of time and good helping watch over Stephen. This experience definitely confirmed to me we are born at the time in our lives into the family we're meant for for a reason. He is meant to be the oldest in our family and I will always love him and be grateful for him enduring that phase so well.

He is really into Star Wars right now because of the Star Wars Lego game on our PS3. He LOVES to color and draw. Both his kindergarten and first grade teachers recognized that's an area he really shines. He also is doing well at hockey, I'll see if I can find the picture of his little team I took from my phone, they're so cute! He scores goals just about every week and is a good team player. Patrick is excited to be baptized next year, I can't believe he's going to be eight!

WILLIAM TURNED 2!!!
I can't believe my baby is 2 years old now. I loved the name William even more when I found out he was going to be born early. I just loved the thought of, "where there's a Will, there's a way." And seriously, this child does have an extremely strong will. Not only did he pull through a couple physical setbacks in his first few months of life, he is SO determined to do things his way and do them right now. Among his first words were, "I want that," and "mine." He wants foods a certain way, he wants to wear specific clothes a certain way, he wants to sit on the couch a certain way and he's definitely my child because I put milk in his sippy cup as usual and he held it back up to me and said, "Cocoa?" While this sounds very demanding, really, every parent is dying to know what the heck their kid wants so they can communicate. Just because he can say what he wants all the time, doesn't mean he gets it every time. ;)

Even though Stephen didn't have a birthday, I wanted to give a little update for him too. He's been very nice not acting slighted during Patrick and William's birthdays. Usually siblings want everything the birthday kid gets, but Stephen's been very understanding. He has been such a good helper with me, especially Mon-Thurs when I've been watching another boy. He's maturing right before my eyes and he is going to bring a lot of happiness into other's lives! We really hoped he would be a people-person and charismatic in a way like Steve Irwin - and he is. When he was just 2, he kept announcing to us and random people, "my name is Stephen!" Now when we watch shows or get pizza, he asks, "what's their name?!" He cares to know about people he may never see again and I think that's something we should all try to do. :)

We just got our Christmas tree, I'm super excited! And only 58 days left until Sariah's due date arrives - we are all so excited! ...definitely not prepared, though!

Love you all!

As November comes to a close...

2011-11-28T11:15:00.003-07:00

Thanksgiving dinner was at this house for the first time EVER - and it was a success! We had a total of 15 people, I believe. After borrowing 2 tables and several chairs from our church building, we were able to all sit around one table! Matthew made the arrangement and set them up himself, thanks hun! I cooked the turkey (for the 3rd time, I believe) and it was fantastic. I put honey and butter under the skin, wrap the turkey in cheesecloth, and this year I experimented by throwing half a lime inside. Sometimes I put some poultry seasoning on it, but that seems to just stay on the surface, so I didn't do it this year. I also made the rolls, stuffing, cheese balls, and mashed potatoes. Visiting family provided cranberry sauce, pies, green been casserole, sweet potato casserole, fruit salad, a green salad... and I think that's it. I'm not putting the family member's names because they're a tad paranoid about being spied on by the government through the internet. Weirdos. ;)

I know December is going to POP out of nowhere, so I wanted to share my facebook Gratitude posts all in one place before it's forgotten. Many people on facebook posted what they were thankful about each day in their status updates and that's a tradition I hope continues every year... obviously it's good to be thankful every day all year round, but not necessarily on facebook.

A friend is posting something she's grateful for every day in November. I like that idea. Today's is I am SO thankful for how beautiful and enjoyable October was. Temps were nice and cool, the snow kept it's distance and we were blessed to enjoy more time outside

I am thankful for this pregnancy being so healthy and easy for me!

My mom had a son that lost a battle with brain cancer. Today makes the 1 year anniversary for the same diagnosis of a friend's little boy -who is winning the battle! Today i'm grateful for the reminders around me of how precious life is.

Today i'm thankful to experience for myself and pass on to my children...if you stop and pray to your Father in Heaven, your day goes so much better.

I am thankful for having more time together as a family every Saturday. I'm also very thankful for my husband helping me clean today!

I am so thankful for patrick. He is creative, curious, compassionate and one heck of a big brother... for Stephen, he has enthusiasm for life, wants to share fun times with others and patience w/being stuck in the middle...William-where there's a will, there's a way.

I am thankful for facebook. While we shouldn't allow it to replace a phone call, letter or visit, it sure has helped me feel more connected to friends and family.

I am thankful for tylenol.

I am thankful when my boys wake up happy and like to play together... Even if it's 7am.

I am thankful that God put cocoa beans on this planet to make all-things-chocolate possible!

I am thankful for Fridays!

I am thankful for 2nd chances.

I am thankful for luxuries like a heater, an oven, microwave, television, plumming, refrigerator, computer, phone...hats off to people that lived 200 years ago,i know I couldn't.

I am thankful for Matthew, I never called him my "best friend," as a lot of couples do... then I realized, he's the one I WANT to talk to and do things with. I try to get involved in his interests and I want him to be happy. He cares about my happiness. He is my best friend. :)

I'm very very thankful Patrick's little head injury didn't end in the dr's office. He hit his head on a pipe in the laundry room, about 1/2 inch cut that stopped bleeding in just a few minutes. Good way to kick off his bday! I was in labor with him today,7 years ago :)

I am thankful for knowledge and how accessible it is! If we don't know about something- we can look it up in a matter of seconds :)

I am thankful to be living in a house! We found the perfect house for our family and have zero regrets. I'm thankful for the 7 years of living in apartments to appreciate it more.

I am thankful for family. I am so looking forward to being together with a lot of family members from Matthew's side for Thanksgiving!

I am thankful to be alive with reminders to savour what moments I have on this earth. I had to read obituaries and write my own for an assignment. Physical death is a stranger to no one.

I am so thankful for Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice. I know he didn't do it just for repentance of sins, he also wanted to know exactly how I feel so he could know exactly how to help me. That level of unselfishness is beyond my understanding.

I am thankful for music and dancing! I love watching the kids dance :D

I am thankful for the nights when I get quality sleep, I am thankful to be in awe of watching my children grow and learn, I am thankful for hot cocoa and cinnamon toast.

I am thankful for my pregnancy going so well to this point, i'm thankful we all get a little break for Thanksgiving and I am very thankful for a bed to sleep in in...at least, sleep in when I fall back asleep.

I am so thankful for my family- immediate and extended, for the beauty around me all throughout the year and for the kindness of others. I am very thankful for this holiday that has inspired myself and others to first be thankful before we complain, vent, share an opinion or anecdote. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I am thankful we don't have the money for Black Friday "fun"... I am extremely thankful even though we don't have any form of health insurance and this pregnancy was unplanned, we can afford to pay for our medical care. AND we are 2-3 months away from being out of credit card debt.

30 weeks today! And I am thankful for Michigan football giving my husband and our family to cheer for every saturday.

I am thankful for music and the joy it brings into our lives... I just hope I don't bring sadness into the lives of the children in our primary as I get the hang of being the new Primary Chorister!

I am so thankful that the sprinkler in our back yard burst in time for our neighbor to hear it at 3:30am when he was going to work, otherwise water would have guzzled out for hours!
So there you have it. Guess what? We're actually paying off our last two credit cards this week - ahead of schedule! Woot :) That feels so nice. I AM SO THANKFUL to Matthew for making a plan and following it through to no longer feel the weight of that debt. Now we're tackling our student loans.

I hope you all had a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Photo editing

2011-11-09T16:52:00.000-07:00

I had some type of spark in my photo editing interest lately... as a writer and photographer, sometimes I just have zero inspiration and want nothing to do with them - then one day - boom! I can't stop doing it.

I like being able to do work for others as well. Our great family friend, Lisa B, has given me a run for my money over the last 24 hours with some logo and home editing for liberty homes. I also gave some pictures from a phone a facelift.

I'm starting to wonder if I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) because I've been depressed lately and the change in weather is all I can think of to explain it. Photo editing makes me happy and so do the sweet little things the kids and Matthew do. Matthew's not the romantic or sentimental kind of guy. There's a song "your love is my drug" by Ke$ha, that annoys him. But I loved the clip of her performance of the song on Saturday Night Live (I don't watch the whole show anymore because they can't go without throwing sex in it). Anyway, Matthew heard the song on the radio and called me up while he was running errands just because it made him think of me! So sweet. :) And I love it when the kids get happy about something I do or say and they just say, "I love you mommy!" or "You're the best mommy ever!"

Anyway, this is our life :) Here are a couple pics I've mentioned...

A free engagement shoot I did a while ago, revisited.

Some parts of this were tough - but who doesn't like a good challenge?

I still can't believe this picture was taken from my phone. The megapixel capability in phones is unreal.

Playing with florabella edits - a woman made editing a whole lot easier with actions in photoshop - you just press play and tweak it to what you want. I took the scrape off his nose first. I love this picture of Patrick from last year :)

Death and Dying

2011-10-10T17:28:00.004-06:00

I have always been curious about all the aspects of death. I am taking this course at UVU. Thanantology: Death and Dying. There are sad stories here and there, but a great portion of the class is being prepared. Being prepared for your own death, actually.

There are questions that we never bother to ask ourselves. Yes, thinking of life insurance and who we'll leave our children to cross our minds a lot. But what about specific things?

Do you want to be kept alive by technology if you suffer a major injury? (me: 1 month, if no progress, release) If you're unable to make decisions, who do you trust to make them for you? (Husband and brother. My brother 2nd because I don't feel I even need to talk to him in advance on specifics. He has the same beliefs as me and approaches decisions logically and quickly.) Do you want to be buried or cremated? Who do you want to speak at your funeral? What songs do you want sung? Where do you want to be buried? Are you an organ donor?

A lot of people have the attitude, "I don't care, just bury me." or "I won't care, I'll be dead." What we don't realize is that having everything planned ahead makes things easier on your family you leave behind. How nice a casket is or what you're buried in is really to help them in the process.

They have a few new burial methods happening. One is a "green" burial. You get buried in a simple, bio-degradable box and don't even have a headstone, but a GPS coordinate (since when did rocks become harmful to the environment?)... and to save space and money, you can choose a double plot in a new sense, they dig further than 6 feet, bury whoever dies first and then re-dig and bury the spouse on top of the other one. Matthew and I are okay with that.

This class often causes us to reflect on how we would be in certain situations. Of course I'm super happy to know about the Plan of Salvation. It includes not only where we're going, but why we are on this Earth and where we came from. This opens my understanding and makes me very comforted in knowing I'll be with my loved ones again.

The most painful topic I've often visited since becoming a mother is the loss of a child. It's every parent's nightmare. As a child, I could never really understand what my mother went through when my brother died at the age of 11. I feel her pain now and my heart aches for my parents and my older siblings. I was at the innocent age of 4, I don't believe I was severely impacted by my brother's abscence because I had the childlike faith that he was okay.

So this is the question I often wonder and may never be able to answer. Would I prefer to lose a child in a tragic accident without warning, or have several months or even years of notice? I try to live my life without regret, so I lean towards something sudden. Can you imagine looking at them and knowing they won't graduate high school? Get married on this earth? Learn how to drive a car? Tucking them in, knowing these days won't last? That is like re-opening a wound repeatedly before it finally takes you...

I love you, Mom. You are a strong woman.

This is so ironic, it's not even funny

2011-10-06T11:54:00.005-06:00

Okay, so my post yesterday... remember it? I was feeling down about my new "JOB" and the lack of satisfaction it brought...

Matthew and I had a fight last night. Couples fight, it's a fact. It was one of those ol' "What do you do all day? - All I ask for is a clean house and I never get it..." kind of fights. I wanted to PROVE I clean every day by NOT cleaning for 1 week and show him how the house falls apart. But, hello, who would be responsible for cleaning up THAT? ... Instead, I decided to show him how easy it is for me to clean. Seriously, each section of house is only 20-30 minutes, depending on the severity.

This morning, I took on EVERY room in the house. I vacuumed, cleaned, washed dishes - every dish, washed dirty laundry, began folding laundry, straightened up. I decided to take pictures for PROOF. The kids were watching Lion King, they're always the most chill and least-destructive in the mornings. So over the course of 2 hours, mission accomplished, the house was clean. I messaged those pics to the love of my life.

As if I directed them, the kids did what they were BUILT to do. Right on cue, the movie was over and the destruction began. While I was folding laundry, the two youngest began yanking DVDs off the shelf, taking covers off - etc... William also began emptying a cupboard with pots and pans in it. Stephen began playing with toys, was looking for something specific and dumped a bunch out. I discovered the babies with their pots and dvds, began cleaning up... William then started pulling things out of our recycling box, putting some in the garbage, spreading others on the kitchen floor. He then proceeded to join the other two (a boy a babysit and Stephen) to not only dumping out my clean laundry but playing in it, throwing it, etc... ALL of this in about 45 minutes time. Take note - the destruction occured within 45 minutes, the clean up will take about 45-60 depending how particular I decide to get on the alphabetization of dvds...

And here's that lovely proof. Since we're tracking where I spend my time. The quick arrangement of pics and text in photoshop and this blog took all of 20 minutes. WELL deserved, 20 minutes, I might add...

Now I'm off to feed them, clean their messes over and over and if I'm lucky, the folding may get finished... not to mention 4 midterms I'm taking over the next two days...

I should add, I love Matthew. I know he works hard. I know there are days when I can do better. I am productive as much as I can be - and maybe when he's an old man, he'll learn how to accept the reality of how living is not keeping things clean around the clock.

This post is dedicated to you, honey. Let's call it a truce! ; )

Finding Joy

2011-10-05T13:01:00.003-06:00

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard for all the wrong reasons.

I have been down lately as I reflect on my days and life in general (focusing on me - as a family, we're great and I'm very happy)... as I was evaluating why I feel the way I do, I was able to pinpoint exactly what it is. It's not my husband or society that belittle small accomplishments around the house - it's ME.

I get the laundry done, dishes washed, carpets cleaned, toys straightened up and dinner made. I help Patrick with homework and make his lunch every day and he gets to the bus stop with time to spare... I babysit for a friend Mon-Thurs, he's just older than William. I try to keep them entertained while allowing Stephen to do big-kid stuff... I don't find satisfaction in these things. If the clean laundry is in a pile on the counter, I feel no differently than when it's folded and put away in drawers. So, the change has to happen inside ME. I need to find joy in my accomplishments, however small they might be. If you know me, you know I have no problem talking about my weaknesses. Putting things out there just help sometimes. So, here's to FINDING JOY in the routine of my life. I have to do it, or I just may go mad...

Here's our latest family picture. I really don't like it, but from what we got - it's the best. We'll get a human to take our pic after the baby's born instead of the tripod.

Updates and HELP the domestic goddess...

2011-09-28T14:53:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I haven't visited the blogging world since I announced the arrival of baby #4. We did find out we're expecting our first girl. Matthew and I still can't grasp that concept. It's like an alien species as far as newborns are concerned in this family... we're super excited though. We can't agree on our name and as much as I wish we could narrow down the list, it seems to just be getting bigger.

Matthew's job has taken a huge turn. Whether it's for the worse or better, only time and Matthew will tell. ha ha... he was programming applications for the iPhone and iPad for 9 months, when he discovered he could help a little with the company's human resources. Matthew was thinking 2-3 hours a week would be good and he could program the rest. Some hiring and firings were taking place, and since Matthew received his degree in HR - they filled his plate full time with HR duties. Wow. It's very different, people like putting their degree to good use and Matthew certainly has a new kind of stress on his shoulders. I'm happy for him working those HR muscles and hopefully it will become a happy balance between the two worlds when HR needs slow down. Good luck honey!

My pregnancy is absolutely peachy. The only proof I have of being pregnant is my growing abdomen and lack of getting my mind off of a particular food every week. My body likes making girls and if this is the way every pregnancy was, we'd have 20 kids. Okay, maybe not. But, still, I like the vacation from puking and wetting myself.

Patrick loves school and friends. Really, a kid could easily gain a better education from his mother at home, but nothing can replace the recess and classroom atmospheres. I love hearing about his friends and adventures at school. I'm taking the boys' pictures this weekend, I'll put them up to show off how handsome they are when they're done.

Stephen is learning at home, I am secretly hoping we can skip Kindergarden because he's always been one that needs to be mentally occupied or he'll go animal on you. We're already working on spelling because he recognizes, writes and knows sounds of letters.

William is almost 2 years old! I can't believe that I'm saying that. It's funny because he's been treated more like a baby than the other boys due to his cuddly nature and lack of desire to walk/run early. We're working on talking because he used to use more words and everything gradually turned into sounding like "booh"... we'll see how it goes.

I need to open my creative stay-at-home self, so share your cheap craft ideas and recipes with me as you please!

Boy or Girl???

2011-07-27T14:11:00.003-06:00

Boys team
Matthew
Patrick
Stephen
William

Girls team
Amy
C-A-T

If you haven't heard already - #4 is on it's way! I had to put it here officially... I've known for a while, so it's weird to keep saying it like it's news ;) I'm not sure cat's count as a whole person, but clearly you can see I'm out-numbered. Just give me ONE girl!

I am 12 weeks along and things are going great! My past three pregnancies have been little slices of trial pie, so it's awesome that this one ain't too bad. Honestly, I think my gag reflex is broken! With the others, I would feel the urge to puke, and there was no stopping that train. This one, I can keep myself from throwing up. I'm not going to complain. Especially since when I do, after already bearing three children, my bladder is no longer in check and it empties every time! Yikes. So I really think God is being merciful this time around and I am super grateful.

As far as the rest of the goings on in our clan, Matthew is loving his job, Patrick and Stephen love being big boys and William is dying to be just like them (already!). And I got FIRED. I'm not ashamed to say the F word whenever I tell people because it was unjust. I worked hard and I was honest. Somewhere along the way I offended someone in upper management and they looked for anything to punish me for. I'm not getting specific online because we don't know if this is the "end" of issues with them or not. I found out I was pregnant the week I was fired, though, so clearly timing plays a part in all things.

Matthew's consistently being pushed to learn more for new projects and I think it's one of the aspects he likes about his job (except for the overwhelming kind of days). Lime is a fantastic employer and we're grateful to them giving him the opportunity to work for them. Matthew's also been able to go to a few REAL Salt Lake soccer games and he's loved every minute of them. I even got the chance to accompany him once and it was fun!

I only have math left before my Associate's is done. I already took Math 1010, but after 2 years, many classes expire - ugh. So I'm re-taking it, then taking 1050 next semester. I'm super confident I'll pass 1010 with a decent grade. I've been blessed to retain some of what I learned before - who knew? But if I pass 1050 next semester, I've got an Associate's degree. Wish me luck!

We are so grateful we were smart with chosing the home to buy and didn't take on more than we could handle. We all love our house and how God has provided for us, especially when we were cut down to one income. Pay your tithing people, it works more than man can comprehend!

Now that the cat's out of the bag, I can start blogging more. For some reason, I found it a challenge to facebook or blog without bringing something up about my pregnancy or the baby!

Hope you're all doing well!

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven

2011-05-04T03:39:00.004-06:00

Why on Earth can't I accept as a solid non-changing rule to all of our woes - the answer is always simple!?

We have a scripture in the Book of Mormon: Mosiah 3:19
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

I've seen some signs of the "natural woman" creeping up lately and I cause more chaos in my heart as I try to accomodate her desires with my life. Our carnal tendancies - selfishness, immaturity, anger, lack of patience, irresponsibility, self indulgence, forgetfulness - are so easy to excuse away. Rather than make excuses for them, I need to get rid of them, because they have no place in a peaceful life. She also tries to use facts of men and logic to justify or manipulate the "why's" in my behavior.

I was reading a talk from our Annual General Conference. And I got this,
"Have some of life’s experiences taken from you the believing heart and childlike faith you once had? If so, look around at the children in your life. And then look again...If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth."

I sometimes allow myself to become bitter from experiences I've had in my life and with people. Who cares what they say or do? I shouldn't allow it to affect me. I make things complicated... they don't have to be. Goodness, step back and treat the world like a child does. At least I won't have regrets. :)

The most traumatizing vacation of my life

2011-05-04T03:20:00.005-06:00

Me and the boys went to Arizona to get a crown (or 2) replaced and visit my sister and her family. Crowns are way cheaper in Arizona, check it out. Maybe because they come over the border - I don't know. (Thank you Dr. Sergio!) After getting my new teeth, visiting with our fun cousins, fabulous pedicures with my sister Lisa, the plan was to go to California. At that point, Matthew was flying into LA, and we would visit Gma and Gpa Garner and Auntie Suzy in Diamond Bar. Yes, I'll tell you about that first.

First day in Cali = we went to a Dodger's game... even though they lost :( , we got to meet the owner at the time. woot. That was a fun little memory, sorry his ownership didn't stick. Shoulda stayed married. We also got free LA Lakers hats! (I'm still a Jazz fan!) Anyway, 2nd day was LEGOLAND! Thank you so much Aunt Suzy, we had a blast! The boys loved it, I enjoyed it, Matthew endured it (I'm sure secretly he wanted to go again the next day)... and the third day was Suzy's b-day! I recall homemade apple pie, donuts and In-n-out to name a few... we played hand and foot and enjoyed each other's company and How to Train Your Dragon. Then it was time to go to visit Grandpa Rose and Carol in Arizona. Strange thing, Gpa Garner was sick so we left early, then Grandpa Rose wasn't doing well at all either. Who wants 3 kids running around when they feel like crap? And we made the decision to end our trip early.

Cool factoid - Our timing belt was installed incorrectly right before we left for our trip. The time we would've been driving home from our trip, the check engine light came on and that's when the mechanic discovered the timing belt had moved two notches out of place. A serious problem that could've cost us our engine and a HUGE mess to deal with on the road. It was a huge blessing we came home early. Everything happens for a reason!

We love you Lisa, Serg and 6 kids – thank you for sharing fun times with us at the park and at your house! We love you aunt Suzy, Grandma Velma and Grandpa Gene – we are sorry for this hard time you’re going through, we love you and appreciate you opening your home to us once again!

And for the traumatizing part. Let me just give you my facebook status:

I took the life of somebody's dog tonight. I feel awful...i hope the family can forgive me. :(

Anyone who has known me since childhood is the fact that I basically love animals more than humans. I was driving alone with the boys at night. It was only a 2-lane highway in AZ, there was no shoulder, just bushes about 1 feet to the side of the road. I did see an animal ahead and I started to slow down, but I thought it was a rabbit and would hop out. It wasn't worth swirving or slamming on my breaks... but as I got closer, I realized it was somebody's pet dog. He was just slowly turning in a circle, oblivious to the fact I was there. I moved to the side as much as I was comfortable, I was hoping he would finish his stupid twirl and go to the right, instead he turned right into me. At that point, I was at 45 mph and I knew he couldn't have survived. It wouldn't make sense that a family pet would be out in the middle of nowhere on a highway... until I saw a sign for RVs. :( There was no public lighting or anything, I keep running this through my mind. It haunts me, I feel awful. I am truly sorry for the couple/family that it has affected.

Matthew turns 10950 days old & BIG NEWS

2011-05-04T01:33:00.007-06:00

As always, I feel like I have so much to share and nothing at all! Where to start?! Okay I gotta break this into more blog entries instead of a novel.

My hubby has his first app on the market - if you have an iphone or ipad, look up Feed me it! Matthew finished that app and put it up on the market for free. I'm happy for him. It's a quirky little app that's just for fun - you create your own little monster, dress him up and then put him places (friend's facebook pages, etc) with a little statement, "you rock!" "Where's my 2 dollars?" (I made those up) He's enjoying his job, he's working hard and I'm super proud of him for venturing out into the unknown with this position and progressing the way he is!

Matthew turned 30!!! I feel so bad, it looks like I didn't post in March - so yep - he's OOOOOLD! No, he's not old - 30 isn't what it used to be. A person doesn't need to be worried how old they are until they're, well, not living any more. At that point, I don't think you'll care. Anywho, with our life being as filled as it is, we don't get to stop and reflect. Matthew, I haven't known you your whole life, but the 8 years you've shared with me have been amazing. I have seen you grow into the man I've always needed. See how I said needed, not wanted? lol Happy 30th birthday - I love you!

BIG, HUMONGOUS, 1900 Square foot news!

We have become homeowners. It's not the 5 bedrooms, the new carpet or the lovely neighborhood that drew me in. It's the backyard! For our price range, and desire to not have a fixer-upper - this backyard is a dream come true! I was so blessed to grow up with a huge backyard and our children LOVE to be outside and play. Now they can whenever the heck they want. We are so so so grateful for this house and so grateful we created a financial plan and followed it to get out of debt. We're not completely out, but our van is paid off and our cc's are on their way. We haven't increased the balance on our credit card in 2 years. I'm so proud of us, in a healthy-pride way.

Holy life, batman!

2011-04-04T04:58:00.006-06:00

Okay so I don't even know where to begin! Our poor kids have been sick on and off - so that's been a bummer. Our apartment had mold in it, so we think that made it hard for them to stay healthy. Now we're out of there, so hopefully it shows in their health soon!

Matthew is LOVING working for Lime - it's still crazy how he's working in programming, life keeps taking us places we could never possibly plan ahead. He's also no longer the ward mission leader because we're in a new LDS ward, he'll miss it but hopefully we both get a calling soon! He's looking forward to taking a shot at playing hockey again in the adult leagues at the Peaks Ice Arena in a couple months. I fully support him :)

Patrick is just tall and getting smarter. He loves drawing, he's so artistic. I want to take pictures or scan in his work and make a book - he has SO MANY pages, and his younger brothers destroy them kind of quickly! He's a good big brother, very helpful. He's been moody lately, so hopefully some sunshine will do him some good!

Stephen is up and down still. We really think his diet is affecting his behavior. So many of you know I've been on a mission to raise awareness about harmful dyes - most specifically, Red 40. The FDA is FINALLY looking into it, I can't wait to see the results! The problem is they keep just calling it "hyperactivity," but it's way more involved than that. I hope they're thorough in their studies and don't just study the level/degree of activity... their ability to get to the bathroom in time, anger control, motivation to obey, paying attention, etc... anyway... He has been an awesome little helper. Like always, he wants to do as Patrick does and wants to grow up too fast!

William is a walker!!! He could stand and take some steps for MONTHS, but it's not until about a week ago he decided the walking thing is cool. He still tries to crawl sometimes, especially outside, but we remind him! He also has sounds for words for him to talk. Na-Na is food & drink, dah is yes, du is down and KKKwith some spit is for animals. You'll have to hear that last one to know what I'm talking about. And, by gollie, does he have teeth!

Amy - It's been a stressful semester, but I'm looking forward to the future. I only have math and then I'm done with my associates before I take a break for several years. I want to become lamaze certified THIS YEAR - Matthew supports me, I hope I get funds for it!

OUR PLANS So... next week, me and the kids are heading to Arizona, my amazing brother-in-law is going to replace my crown that has some decay underneath - it's been bugging me since the day it was put in several years ago, so I'm way excited because I know he'll do a better job! I'm so excited to see my sis and her family too! Then the kids and I will drive to California and see Grandma and Grandpa Garner and Auntie Suzy! We love them so very much and always treasure our visits there. Then we're going to get about 2 days to spend with Matthew's Grandpa Rose and Carol (not sure if she took the Rose name, sorry!)... a bunch of these old folks we're visiting are struggling with serious health issues and we hope we can bring a little warmth along with our craziness. We also have Grandparents LaMontange I wanted to mention because they're battling some health ailments as well. They're in Washington and we would love to make it up there to visit some time! You're all in our prayers and we wish you comfort and healing.

Our move has brought on so much happiness, I can't even tell you. The moving part is uncool, but being out of our small apartment makes me happy! We'll give you more details on where we are now in the future! Love you all!!!

Ode to our Tax Return

2011-02-16T01:07:00.002-07:00

Our van is paid off!

We have a new couch!

Bum ba dum bum bum. What a relief :)

There is nothing more I can possibly say.

Call the papers - A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE!

2011-02-16T00:52:00.003-07:00

So people know I have had a lot of conflict and issues with picking a major... I then completed the Myers-Briggs assessment and felt really confident in the letter combination it produced.
THEN
Three of the big career/major options I was considering ended up in the "least attractive" category for my personality type!!! (Nursing, Artistic and Elementary/Secondary Education)

No wonder I've felt so conflicted. But now I'm bummed because I can't ignite a passion in something new just because it will match my personality type. Marketing was one I was considering a lot lately as well, luckily that one is a close match. However, the plan was to get my degree now just to HAVE it, but we want me to be able to be a stay at home mom for a while, especially while kids are at home. Then when I go back into the workforce, what good will a degree in Marketing do me when I haven't been gaining work experience and the info is rusty?

SO

I'm cashing in, baby. I have math left and then I have an Associate's degree! It's not nearly as big of a deal as a bachelor's - and I still aspire to have one in the future. But it's something that represents the work I've done up to this point. Something I AM passionate about and would love to do while the kids are young is Child birth education classes! That's right - I'm going to become Lamaze certified! I'm not big into forcing people into doing as I do and go without an epidural, but I am EXTREMELY passionate about educating women to be prepared for what labor, delivery and breastfeeding are actually like. I've heard way too many stories for women that express sadness or frustration for things ending differently than they expected... but then they share some details that I knew they could have been prepared for if they had taken some type of birthing class. Not only will I have the education, but I have three very different birthing experiences to draw from.

Total costs for becoming Lamaze certified is going to come close to $1000... obviously there's no pell grant for this, so I'm saving up. I'm using photography and other odd things to help out. Matthew is supportive of me and I'm really excited about it. This is the first time I've really been excited and passionate about my path choice! That doesn't mean it will be this way forever, but I feel like I am on the right path for life right now!

WOO HOO!!!

SCHOOL

2011-01-25T01:34:00.002-07:00

So, we gotta get Stephen into preschool, he's going crazy and needs some focus and learning time...
suggestions for Utah county?

For Patrick, we're considering a language immersion class at a different school. I'm thinking French, Matthew wants Chinese.
Your vote?

Updates:
Stephen is more mature than Patrick for the last two weeks. And that's not saying much for Stephen, a lot for Patrick - NAUGHTY. Stephen is now in Primary, for friends of other faiths, he basically moved from the "play class" with treats and toys to the "sit still class" ... having a hard time adjusting. Poor. thing.
Patrick's enjoying hockey still, I wish he had more friends his age playing, but he'll get more as he advances. He still likes school and really doesn't like math - oh no, like mom and dad.
William STILL refuses to walk. He's been standing solid for 3 months now, can walk 5 steps... he doesn't even let himself fall, he always bends his knees when he decides he doesn't want to walk anymore. booger :(

Matthew's still enjoying his job, he's had a couple projects he gets to work on, so that's fun! It's crazy how much life can change direction in such a short time.

Since we're taking suggestions, I have four days off in a row next week and no money. So I decided I would mentally check out and take a vacation. Where to? Jamaica, Rome or Antarctica (not cold, because it's all in me head)?

Call it a cleanse? A purge? Or just a plain FIGHT!

2011-01-03T05:07:00.005-07:00

Something extremely odd - almost every year of our marriage, on New Year's Eve Matthew and I have had a "disagreement" of sorts... I can't explain it, and as hard as I try to keep peace, something always goes awry. I can't pin point it on one thing, but I've been thinking about it... as long as the new year starts off right, who cares what happened the year before?! Water under the bridge right? Even if it's just 10 minutes before, it was still a whole year ago. Start fresh! Seriously, though, maybe it's us spewing the previous year's garbage at each other so we can start off anew. Anyway, it's really funny - we always make up afterward ;)

So, Patrick is coloring/drawing up a storm! He's going to be a Hockey-playing Artist Pirate Astronaut who helps sharks, but not the big ones, just the babies. That was his latest update.

Stephen - HALLELUJAH - is growing up! His maturity level has increased even just in the last couple weeks. Seriously, I remember when Patrick got around 4, it was like a switch was flipped, and now I think there's hope the same thing can happen for Stephen! yay!

William is still a professional stander - when the heck is he going to walk? Nobody knows! He's super cute and had an adventure with an infection in his eyelid - so we'll give him a break.

CHRISTMAS was so much fun! But I forgot to take my camera out at all - which is extremely odd for a so-called photographer. ;) I was soaking up the memories in my brain.

Matthew is so good at letting me sleep more, yay! Now that I don't have classes in the evenings, I'm way more rested. Matthew is working for LIME - he's learning how to program apps for the iPhone - we're so excited about this new adventure! It's a career with ACTUAL potential to go somewhere. He's going to get to take Patrick to school on his way to work, so we're happy about that so zombie mom doesn't have to make him tardy every three days.

I'm still going to school full time - mostly online, but one on campus Saturday mornings. I know I'll be struck by lightning this semester so I'll come out of it knowing EXACTLY what I want to be when I grow up, like Patrick the 6 year-old. Something like that. I'm also LOSING WEIGHT. Seriously, I'm video blogging weekly about it on YOUtube and blogging daily at http://amyworkingitout.blogspot.com/ ... if I do this publicly, I think I'll have more success. We'll find out!

Love you all!

A Sunset

2010-12-08T01:05:00.002-07:00

...and the shadow of the day

will embrace the world in gray.

And the sun will set for you.

The sun will set for you.

I used to think this song was sad or hopeless. Who wants a day to end? And why gray? I love sunsets, they're so gorgeous and inspiring. I remember making the drive from California when Matthew and I were living across the country from one another. I made an impromptu trip to California to see our wonderful Garner Grandparents and Auntie Suzy. At the time, I was working two jobs, attempting to function on 2-3 hours of sleep per day. I was living life as a single mom, luckily blessed with help while working from my mom and sister.

It was a very short trip. Just 2 days, and that included driving time. I was a very emotionally and physically tired woman. I had a few cds for the drive and this one, by Linkin Park was playing. These lyrics just flowed from the speakers and enveloped me. I was singing the lyrics as always, but then it hit me. I burst into tears. I thought gray was dull and cold... but now after I sang the lyrics this time, I screamed inside, "When will the sun set on this day? When will I have my happy ending?" I've had enough of the turmoil and endless asking of the world. Asking too much of me. I wanted to be embraced in gray, to disappear so no one would bother me. I wanted rest.

Luckily, the sun did set on that day. Matthew and I were reunited and the sun had risen on a new day. Now, especially this semester, I feel like I am stuck in another very LONG day. I really feel like I've been stretched to the limit. But here we are. It seems God jumps in just when you're about to break. Matthew and I are both extremely grateful for our jobs at Nu Skin. But especially Matthew has been struggling with getting full satisfaction out of it... he's not using his degree, he took a paycut when they moved him from night to day shift and lately his co-workers have been everything but helpful.

Our very good friends, Spencer and Ashley have been keeping their eyes and ears open for opportunities for Matthew to move on to better things. Here we are on the eve of a different adventure. Matthew's going to learn something completely new, it's going to be hard - but it's a challenge! We've prayed about it and thought long and hard about the roads it could take our family, good and bad. I won't give details, because things aren't set. But I know they're going to happen.

Matthew will be working with Spencer. Who knew? We are very grateful for Spencer and the company he works for to put their faith in Matthew and provide him with an opportunity that will benefit us immensely. I know it's going to be hard, but it will be rewarding. I am so so so happy for Matthew to be able to do something new and progress in his life career-wise. We are SO thankful to Spencer and Ashley for putting effort into helping us.

We know many other family and friends have prayed for us in these tough times, and I thank you so much. The future is uncertain, but I'm going to accept this sunset. I'm ready to rest from this semester - this very long day. I'm ready to welcome a new one!

Woes and Growing up

2010-11-01T06:21:00.003-06:00

Microbiology class description needs to include that 1-3 hours outside of class and lab will be required on campus every week... like we don't have lives.

Patrick's school does not have an English-only option in the afternoons, so we're stuck in the morning, they don't care I work graveyards and we almost got in trouble for all the tardies he was getting... we're way better now though.

Holy cow - our Patrick is playing ice hockey now, he's done with skating and finished with the first round of skating lessons.

Stephen still wants to be like Patrick and do what he does. I love him so much and I'm bummed he is too used to always having someone to play with.

William is crawling all over and finally learning how to play with things and not rely on people for all of his entertainment.

I'm putting family videos on YOUtube: use keyword Matchboxfirefly or Utah Garner Family
here's our latest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkJzu8OAxZo

Something light

2010-10-14T06:10:00.005-06:00

At breakfast, while eating pancakes...

Stephen, "This syrup fits me!" Points to Patrick, "You're going to grow out of that syrup!"

Patrick, "Not 'til I'm six!"

Random, eh?

In case you haven't seen these on facebook:

Our gingerbread family!

Watching to see if the gingerbread men run away...

3 boys at Thanksgiving point, playing in the water at Noah's Ark - you need to go if you haven't been yet!

So Patrick comes and says, "I have another loose tooth!" I look and see he had his adult tooth growing in already. We consulted with the best dentist on earth and he said we should get it pulled... and it would be okay for us to pull it! Matthew tried with a string, but Patrick was so wiggly and getting more and more upset. I was like, what the heck, this will never get done. So I reached in, grabbed that tooth and yanked it out myself! Hopefully that adult tooth works it's way in!

One Day - Shedding some of the load.

2010-10-14T05:53:00.007-06:00

If you have not yet heard (One Day - by Matisyahu), please listen to it and read the words. I try to be positive... and I used to think that was a strength. Now I know it's not really a strength, but a defense mechanism. If I don't look at the positive, then the darkness around me will get me down. Our family is being shaken up right now. My life is busier now than ever before. I never knew Patrick going to school would add so much stress and pressure to my life - but it has. I feel like I fail him every minute he's late to school. This song helps me breathe, slow down and gives me inspiration.

sometimes I lay under the moon

and thank God I'm breathing

then I pray don't take me soon

cause I am here for a reason

sometimes in my tears I drown

but I never let it get me down

so when negativity surrounds

I know some day it'll all turn around

becauseall my life I've been waiting for

I've been praying for, for the people to say

that we don't wanna fight no more

they'll be no more wars

and our children will play

one day, one day, one day

Oh, these tangled webs we weave.

2010-09-20T03:12:00.002-06:00

Let me just say I do not like family drama.

I am one who is fueled by passion and some times the things I say get misconstrued and even completely flipped to mean something different.

Anyway, the residing affects are mountains on my back, I'm sick to my stomach because of the ugly things that have come from it. I'm so sorry for saying it and I can't wait for this nightmare to be over. I'm especially sorry to Matthew because the residing ugliness is hurting him too. :(

Amy

Life on the new schedule

2010-07-27T02:49:00.003-06:00

What a weird adjustment!

Matthew has made the change, he works days now. So I work 12:30-6:30 am and then he heads off and works 7am-supposedly 3:30pm... however, for 5 of the 6 business days he's worked this magical shift, he has yet to come home before 5:45pm... the overtime is nice for the pay, but sad for the day. I know that rhymes, I'm cool like that.

Anyway, it's nice to have him home in the evenings, we've given each other some time without kids, he's been great in helping me reach deadlines for homework and tests. I am so grateful for his support in me getting a degree, but holy cow I can't wait until it's over!

I decided I'm going into nursing, have I put that on the blog yet? I changed my mind and major so many times, it was a joke. I was about to cry my brains out and settled on this one and feel good about it. I wanted to know realistically if I could do anything with an associates, so I searched for nursing positions open right now in Utah and woo hoo, a lot of possibilities... so, the plan is:

Get my Associate's Degree at UVU and start working 2 night shifts/week while continuing to go to school for my bachelor's. The main difference between the two degrees is a leadership focus in the Bachelor's degree. You can be a nurse with good pay with an associates. The testing requirements are rigorous. You need a minimum of B- for the 10 main prerequisites to even apply... why does that word not look right? ANYWAY, if I don't die and can squeeze in the classes I need, I can accomplish the 10 prereq's between Fall and Spring semester and apply for the program to begin in the Fall of 2011. The UVU program is amazing, only open to 60 students at a time! It would take a miracle to get in, but as my brother Brian always says - go big or go home! (3.7 GPA for those 10 is my goal... I'm scared)

I still can't believe Patrick is going into kindergarten at the end of August, I'm going to look for a preschool for Stephen so he doesn't go crazy being stuck with an infant/toddler every morning for the whole year. Patrick's still in skating, doing well, but the level he's at now is really difficult, he may need to take it twice (the teachers say most kids take it 2-3 times!)... but this is the last level before HOCKEY - woo hoo!

Stephen is super cute, he has amazingly cute and helpful moments, but still behaves like a 3 year old... I seriously forget he's only 3 sometimes, not even 3 1/2... he has been speaking well since about 18 months old and potty trained by 2 1/2. Right now, he wants to go to school like Patrick - I think he'll always be trying to catch up to Patrick.

William william william, he loves being sick. Poor dude has been sicker than his brothers by far at this age. I don't know if it was the preterm thing, if he just has a weaker immune system genetically or if having 3 kids in the home brings in more germs. He had RSV that put him back in the hospital and on oxygen in March (I think I blogged about it), then a terrible ear infection & fever at the end of June/beginning of July (his ear drum burst) and for 1 1/2 weeks he had this cough and scratchy throat thing, and tonight his eye looked all red and irritated. I'm hoping it's nothing big and was just irritated by him poking himself in the eye with the pamphlet he was sucking on. He's addicted to paper. He even managed to pull a receipt out of my wallet and slobbered half of it away before I noticed. (fiber, right?)

One plus to Matthew's schedule change is he might start playing hockey for fun again, hopefully we can work it out in our insane schedule so he can have some fun. :)

GUESS WHAT???
I am turning 26 on Sunday and we are celebrating our 7th anniversary on Monday. Woo hoo!
I'll post something awesome when that time comes.

And more life

2010-07-12T23:46:00.002-06:00

Here are some pictures to enjoy
Bridal Veil Falls, yes -edited :)

HAIL - crazy huh? Doesn't happen very often around here.

Don't you love it when babies look at each other? They even smiled at eachother, but not for the camera of course. Cousin Adele and William.

I loved the lighting and he's just cute.

I took a short cut and used regular dish soap... I could've washed 10 loads by hand with all the time and work I put into cleaning up after it.

LIFE

2010-07-10T12:54:00.002-06:00

For anyone that read my last post before I deleted it, I'm sorry. I was upset yesterday and needed to vent. If you didn't read it, it wasn't attacking anyone, it was just me having a pity party for myself being stressed out and angry at life.

I'm cool now. lol

Life is hard and I accept this challenge. I will do my best to make it work and take it day to day. And if things fall into place to make things easier, then yay. If not, it is what it is and I'll always have my family no matter what.

HELP?

2010-06-28T02:26:00.003-06:00

Hi everyone, I am happily ready to admit I need your help!

First, pray for me. School was overwhelming this summer, it's not even over this semester yet and there was only one class on campus... I really want to get my Bachelor's degree over with, if I am able to go full time, I can graduate in 3-4 semesters (depending on availability of classes). That is summer or fall 2011 - so close! Please pray I can organize my time and brain so I can accomplish this and my family won't suffer for it :) Thanks!

Matthew's job is changing, he'll be moving from Nights to Days... there are some pros and cons to this, one con is he'll be getting $1/hour pay cut :( But it will be nicer for him to be around for the evening.

To help make up for this and try to apply my mad skills, I started a little photo editing business. I don't want to have to get babysitters to do photo shoots, so I can do photo editing from home, so people can e-mail me photos they have taken themselves. Spread the word! You can access and purchase using Paypal at my blog http://PhotoKicker.blogspot.com/

And if you "like" my page on facebook, I'll edit a photo for free! See examples of editing I can do through the blog or facebook page! Love you all and thanks for reading!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Amy-Garner-the-Photo-Kicker/132231386799009

Summa UPDATE

2010-06-16T05:06:00.006-06:00

I let so much time pass between posts, then I think there isn't really anything to post... but then there's a lot to post. My brain hurts trying to organize the past. Let's just keep it simple:

Trip to California - Awesome. Beach. Matthew make kids afraid of ocean forever. Love Suzy, Grandma and Grandpa. Yay for vacations with kids... which aren't really vacations, we discovered.

School for Amy - Awesome. Tiring. 4 classes, going well... still not sure on the major.

Patrick - Replacement tooth shooting through where he lost his first one. That adult tooth makes me feel like I lost my baby. He's taking skating lessons still and enjoying every minute.

Stephen - Wishes he could do everything Patrick does, has no idea he's shorter, still needs naps and not going to school. He's so sweet to William and loves him a little too much sometimes.

Matthew - Super excited we have a flag pole, he flies flags every day with good weather. Still table coordinator at Nu Skin, enjoying it, likes his co-workers and stuff.

Trip to Arizona - Me and boys went for 2 days to see family, Aunt Brenda-Uncle Tony-Cousin Brandon and Grandma Gerry all from Tennessee stayed near my sister Lisa and her family. It was a nice quick trip and I'm glad we did it!

Soap Box - How hard is it to stop an oil spill? We don't need to waste any time on who's fault, it's obvious... why the heck aren't people being held accountable for their inability and lack of imagination to block a pipe?

Baby William - Little dude just can't stay healthy for too long. No, it's not too bad. Yesterday he had a fever spike really quickly and poor little thing just wasn't himself. I hope it's a 24 hour thing and he'll be flinging his limbs around and rolling again in no time. And he does not like baby food.

SAD FAREWELL- Our beloved cat, Mufasa, is MIA. He never was gone for 24 hours. He loved the boys and was very loving and patient with them. He was super faithful and dependable, he just disappeared. We had a couple ideas on things that could've happened. Nonetheless, we've come to terms with the fact that he's gone for good - hopefully in a wonderful place. We miss him so much and it's so sad to have only had him in our family for one year, but that is a year full of happy memories we will all remember him by. Good bye Mufasa, we love you.

Pictures - and I'm done. Love you all!

Funny Random things the kids say

2010-04-30T02:46:00.002-06:00

Matthew was play-attacking the boys and Patrick was heroic, rescuing Stephen from the terrible monster and he exclaimed, "I saved your life, that means I love you!"

Stephen picks up a rock outside while saying, "is this poop?"

Patrick was being tickled while restrained and was yelling for help, "Stephen, I like you a lot - come help me!"

Patrick's tooth was knocked loose and I started talking to him about losing teeth, "No! The toothfairy can just give me the dollar, but I keep my tooth in my mouth."

Stephen attempted building a sand castle in the kitty litter... thank goodness Mufasa prefers to do his business outside and this litter is fresh and untouched for weeks.

William must not have anything nice to say, because he doesn't say nothin' at all.

A whole month!!!

2010-04-15T03:01:00.004-06:00

Wow - so a whole month has gone by. It's rather nice to know we don't have big news to report, because at this stage, unless we won 1 million dollars, it would probably be bad news. But, believe me, when that million dollar check comes in the mail - I will let you all know and dinner would be on us!

SCHOOL
So I registered my baby Patrick for classes, that was so emotionally traumatizing for me - who knows how I'll be when we actually take him to class for the first time. And guess what? I'm registered for classes for Summer semester! My sleep and the cleanliness of our house will suffer - but it has to get done. Don't let my changing of majors fool you, I am determined to get a Bachelor's degree! (I've changed my major 7 times only to end back up at the one I started with, go figure.) It will be 12 credits and I'm super excited. The end goal: A Bachelor of Arts degree: Art and Visual Communications with concentration of photography.

WORK
Matthew is still a Table Coordinator at Nu Skin and has had a very stressful last couple of weeks. Overall, he's enjoying it and has many good coworkers. I am still working graveyards too and still loving it. That's enough about work - it's boring.

Summer!
Summer is on it's way and I am super duperly excited. I have planted some flowers already and even attempted green beans in this little spot - but that soil must be terrible because they started dying the following day. I dumped a bunch of liquid miracle grow on them, let's see if a miracle comes through! We have a trip planned to go to California to see Matthew's grandparents and aunt Suzy - we are so excited! That's going to be the end of May. Stephen is going to be taking swim lessons and Patrick will soon be starting the next level of ice skating classes. (He is so good, he got to skip two levels - yay!) And Matthew would sure love to go shooting a bunch, I'm guessing. That's his newest hobby. William has every intention to keep growing... I try convincing him to stop every day but he won't. We'll see how NICU boy reacts to our blow up pool we use in the summer with cold water. (He hates cold, we're guessing from the comfortable high temp that was maintained for him in the NICU.) But he loves water, so we'll find out!

"Fix it" TICKET
Matthew would appreciate the honorable mention for his lovely fix it ticket. We finally got our van fixed - yay. It was still damaged from the hit and run in October. Anyway, we used my dad's truck while it was getting repaired and once in a while a front headlight will short out - which we didn't know at the time. Matthew has not been pulled over for 10 years and a cop decided it was time to shake things up; however, it was just a "fix it" ticket and the officer assured him there would be no charge. Matthew goes to address the ticket a few days later and, "$40.00 please." He was irate, to say the least - not only upset that there was a charge, but extremely upset that the officer mislead him. He gave his shpeel to the lady and she lowered it to $20.00. AND this stupid thing goes on his record... what's the point of putting a fix it ticket on a person's record? Oh this is a repeat light-outer, he's a menace to society. And it's not even his truck. Sorry, hun.

In the Middle
Stephen's been stuck in the middle, poor guy. Stephen went through this phase for about 2 weeks. He would be destructive to things, including his own toys, make messes - he PEED in the LITTER BOX, broke a mirror... it was making me so sad that we didn't know what to do. Then I realized, Patrick is old enough - we can give him instructions and Stephen will follow. Patrick's also learning to read and took ice skating lessons. William is so tiny, he needs help for everything - eating, holding, diaper changes... I realized Stephen was not getting much interaction. We were in the van and I asked Patrick if he was all buckled up - I don't ever ask Stephen because I KNOW he is because I buckle him. Still, I decided if I'm talking to Patrick - I can't ignore Stephen. So, I said, "Stephen, are you buckled up?" He excitedly said, "yes I am!" So Matthew and I put conscious effort into speaking up with him, hugging him more and trying to teach him things for his level and he's way better now. Lesson learned for us - all you other young parents, hopefully you can learn from our mistake and give attention to the "middle kid" on a constant basis so you don't have that sad, destructive phase.

We love our ward, love our home, love our cat and love having jobs. Life is good. :)

William and his fascination with O2

2010-03-15T16:58:00.002-06:00

All three of our boys had colds for about 1 week, mostly nasal... then over the last few days, Patrick's added a slight fever (luckily only for one day) and Stephen and William's added coughs. Then Stephen had an ear infection and William started wheezing and was breathing harder and faster than normal.

With help from Matthew's mom and monitoring William's lack of progress, we decided to go to the ER. The poor guy does have RSV. He needed to be on oxygen and they were concerned about dehydration, so they kept us over night. Luckily, all he needs is oxygen and suction of boogers, so we got to take him home on oxygen. I also get to take him into the hospital to get a deeper suction a couple more times today. Let's just all hope and pray he improves from now on and it goes away quickly so he can be his normal self.

I keep forgetting!

2010-03-04T06:19:00.002-07:00

Stephen had a fun birthday and I've got the pics to prove it... at home... AND Matthew signed up the boys for ice skating lessons.

They had their first lesson last Saturday and poor Stephen... hates it. At least at this point, we'll let him mature a bit more and gain more patience then try again. Patrick LOVES it... holy cow! I was in shock, I kept telling Matthew stuff out loud that he could see very well for himself, "He flails his arms around for balance and falls on his butt anyway, but look - he's still smiling! He loves it!" Seriously, like a duck to water - it's so good he's the one named after the hockey player, not Stephen. lol Do you all remember we took Patrick skating at 18 months old? We took him 4-5 times when he was younger, I wonder if it made the difference. But I remember even when he was two, how shocked I was that he was actually getting better and could last a long time on the ice. I have Olympic fever, I'm thinking Ice Hockey, Speed skating and who knows - the world is his!

Where torturing animals for the sake of knowledge is concerned - Stephen, the world is yours! (and I'm kidding about the torture, sweetie, pet niiiIiiice.) Steve Irwin will be proud of you one day too.

pictures

2010-03-03T22:42:00.005-07:00

Matthew loves it when I make biscuits and gravy.

Uncle Michael - fresh off the mission!

Great Grandma and Grandpa Garner from California

Men in the circle for the Baby Blessing.

I don't think I talked about the blessing on our blog! Matthew scheduled Jan 31st for it with the Bishop... but when I was sitting in sacrament meeting the week before it, I discovered it was stake conference! So, we kept the date and just did our own thing in a room in our church building. The previous Bishop (Brown) and the current Bishop (Jensen) attended, everyone else was not in the ward, but our wonderful family and friends!

Our first "family photo" with all of us!

Just Because

2010-02-26T06:06:00.004-07:00

So I wrote a long post and then blogger had an issue and now it's gone. To sum it up: I'm super duper happy with my awesome boys (stop growing!) and I love my husband Matthew Ray Garner. He bought me beautiful sapphire earrings for valentine's day and while I'm wearing them, I can't stop checking myself out in the mirror. I love Matthew anyway, of course - he is amazing and together, we make a fabulous team!

I took the boys to the Dinosaur museum today with cousins (Lisa my sis in law and their four kids). It was a lot of fun to be out with William finally and fun to be with family! Thanks for coming with us Lisa!

Patrick with Amelia and Brooklyn

Jacob, Amelia and Stephen burying dinosaurs in the "mud"

Patrick, Jacob and Brooklyn - all terrified.

Building a dinosaur

I think Brooklyn and Amelia switched off being scared. So cute!

Update on life

2010-02-22T05:26:00.003-07:00

Matthew is the table coordinator at Nu Skin now, working full time. Yay for a little raise and health benefits! It's fun that we're working in the same place and we're both happy he's someone's employee again, not just a "temp." He is also very happy the USA just beat Canada in Hockey. Yay for Olympics - we are rockin them this year!

Amy is working a new shift to work around Matthew's schedule. I work 12:30am-6:30am and Matthew works 3:30pm-12:00am. We both enjoy it, my sister was amazing and watched the boys for us from 10pm-12, the new shift takes that need away. We were very grateful for her help! I am also increasing my home decorating skills and trying to keep the boys from killing each other, tearing the house apart or going insane with boredom. I ordered an inflatable trampoline that works indoors - we'll see how it goes!

Patrick is going to Kindergarden this year... I'm registering him March 19th - I'm so sad and excited about it at the same time. I can't imagine turning my baby over to a stranger for any part of a day, but I'm excited that he gets to discover a new part of our world - socializing on a regular basis with a larger group than he's ever had to deal with.

Stephen turned 3 today! I love him so much and I'm shocked at how much he's grown, especially in the last month!!! He can now reach to turn off the lights no problem and his ankles aren't even close to being covered by size 2T. So sad! Remember he shares a b-day with the Crock Hunter? Happy birthday, Steve Irwin, I can't wait for Stephen to learn more about who you were!

William is becoming Mr. Attitude. He is so easy-going and chill, but man, when he's tired, he demands to be wrapped up and left alone or he cries like crazy. He got too used to being laid still for long periods of time in the NICU. He's still an AMAZING sleeper! He sleeps 5-7 hours/night easily, and after he's fed will go right back to sleep for another 2-4 hours. Please let this last - it's too good to be true!

LOVE YOU ALL!

Good News all around!

2010-02-01T23:25:00.002-07:00

So, I have two cysts on my kidney and they're the harmless kind, yay.

AND William is off oxygen during the day - yay!!! That huge tank was getting annoying, he's definitely adjusting to not having oxygen and he's not used to being moved around so much, I've startled him a couple times. Poor cutie.

Here he is cannula and monitor-free!!!

Where do I exchange this body for a new one?

2010-01-26T01:44:00.000-07:00

My body has decided it's done. I was healthy and happy my whole life until this 3rd pregnancy... did I mention earlier that they found a cyst on my kidney during one of my ultrasounds?

Now, when they told Dr. Wilde, he said it's probably not a big deal - cysts are on almost everyone's kidneys when they're old in age (start showing up in 50's)... anyway, he said we'll look at it after the pregnancy. I reminded him at my post-baby follow up and when he read the recommendation for a CT scan to analyze it, he said that was a little drastic and he didn't think we would need to do it. After he looked at the images, he ordered a CT scan with contrast (dye in my bloodstream) to get a better look.

It's probably not cancerous, but really? Really body? Gestational diabetes and preeclampsia weren't enough attention - I have to have a funky looking cyst. As I always do, I read up all I could on Kidney cysts. They break it down nicely into two categories, "simple cyst" or "complex cyst"... it's pretty easy to guess which type is likely to be cancerous. And to not be so dramatic, even if it's a complex cyst, it's broken down into several more complicated options that give different percentages on the liklihood of being a cancer. Nonetheless, if it's a simple cyst, the CT scan is the last I'll hear of it... if it's complex, I'll need to have another proceedure done and there are many different types they could do depending on the type it is... blah blah blah

I'm really nervous and frustrated. I hope it's nothing and I'll let you all know when I know. I can't nurse William for 24 hours following the CT scan, I didn't know that before so now I'm really frustrated. I have milk left from when he was in the NICU which I am now very grateful for.

Love you all!

Pictures :)

2010-01-18T16:07:00.001-07:00

Here, he demonstrates how much he loves his cannula.

Grandma and Grandpa LaMontagne with Patrick, Stephen and William. Thanks for visiting!

Garners in January

2010-01-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

I still don't feel like I have much to blog about. William's growing at a healthy pace, he's a great sleeper (5 hours almost every night!), still on oxygen - we'll let you know when he's off.

Poor Patrick and Stephen... I don't know where to begin. They've had cabin fever all Winter, but over the past week, they got nasty Flu fevers. Patrick got up to 104, we even had a trip to the ER where they just checked for Strep throat and told Matthew it was probably the normal flu because H1N1's been out of sight for 3 weeks. Stephen's never got up that high, but his cough has been worse than Patrick's. All I know is, I'm getting them vaccinated next year because this 4 day high fever thing is uncool. Other than that, they're still going crazy being cooped up in our apartment, I am DYING for warm weather to come!!!

Matthew is still working through SOS temp agency for Nu Skin. He actually had an interview for a supervisor position, and also applied for a couple other jobs. I'm very appreciative for his willingness to work where he can and we are both grateful that he has this at the present time.

I was on blood pressure medication for about 4 weeks after I had William from the preeclampsia, but I've been off it for 1-2 weeks now and I'm happy for that. I'm working again and man, I forgot how slow it is at the beginning of the year. I'm finding myself wishing to be asleep and near William a lot. If only the paycheck could come without the work, huh? Really, I'm grateful for my job and very grateful it's graveyard so we can manage a 2 income home without daycare.

I can't believe I still haven't mailed out our family Christmas card... we'll be sending those out this week. I'm tired just thinking about it. Maybe I'm just tired. lol We are loving the apartment and neighborhood we live in, we are grateful for our overall health and just happy in general. I can't wait until we get our tax return so we can have a vacation for the first time in over a year.

Can you guys believe one year ago at this time I was planning a divorce? Crazy how life can change. I love my husband Matthew, I'm so grateful for our happy marriage and still in shock and awe that it could even be as good as it is. I guess God just cares. :)

William's 3 weeks old now!

2009-12-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

This has been a very crazy 3 weeks. I wish I could say I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm
quite selfish when it comes to my babies and I would've traded it all for being able to bring William home right away. Obviously, the Lord had a different plan for little Will and his family. Having him home has been wonderful. Matthew and I have a hard time putting him down when he's awake. Patrick and Stephen are really good about their little brother's situation. They'll probably think it's not normal when the oxygen tank is gone!

I don't know if I posted it or not, but I still had some high blood pressure hanging around from the pre-eclampsia issues. I got to cut the dose in half today and hopefully I'll be off it in a week! It makes me very tired and dizzy once in a while. Pre-eclamsia is an awful, scary thing. I feel bad for any woman who's had it and I never EVER want to have it again.

I want to say thank you so much to my family who's helped a TON with the boys over the last month. My mom, my sister and my sister-in-law Lisa have been SOOO helpful, and with short notice too. Matthew and I got to see William any chance we had. The opportunity to nurse William in the hospital was SO precious to me, I could not have done it without their help. I was making 4-6 trips to the hospital every day and Matthew had to work for a lot of that. Thank you gals so much!

Here are some pictures and I'm off to bed!

Patrick and Stephen were very happy to be able to see William up close! I couldn't get my mom to look away from this darling child long enough for a picture.

This is the handy, compact oxygen tank that goes everywhere our child goes! Our Doctor's appointment this morning was an adventure.

Matthew gets to put him in the car! Each one of these simple things made me cry. I was so happy to finally be one of the families loading a child in.

Going home! This was the nurse helping us out that day, we also had her twice before this time - she's a good one ;)

Man, he is not easy to take pictures of... I'll get some good ones one of these days.

Matthew and I kept our hospital bracelets on for all 16 days he was in the NICU, it was GREAT to be able to finally cut them off!!! We couldn't take them off any sooner because it made us feel connected to William when we couldn't be there.

William's Coming HOME!!!

2009-12-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

William couldn't let us off too easily, so he's going to be on oxygen for hopefully only 2-4 weeks. It's a very tiny amount, and only because he gets tired and takes shallow breaths sometimes.

Tomorrow morning, between 9-11am, our baby will feel like ours! We'll have new challenges like keeping a cat from attacking the oxygen tube or his older brothers from yanking the canula out of his nose or setting off alarms! Patrick and Stephen are quite excited to see baby William and be able to hold him. We've been having hand-washing talk every day since before he was born, Stephen rehearsed to me how he washes his hands today - so cute. :)

Thank you all very much for your love and support... we know you've been praying for us and William and it means so much. He is a cutie and gets mad at me for not being the greatest at dressing or bathing him around all the wires and tubes, but I'm getting better. He's nursing like a pro and never fails when we're looking for a poopie diaper. I love him so much and I am SO EXCITED to be getting him home tomorrow!!!

Two weeks feels like an Eternity.

2009-12-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

Man, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You get updated so quickly with your baby in the NICU, there are lots of highs and lows - even within 1 day. Last night and this morning, he did SO WELL nursing.

He wasn't acting interested, but I felt he knew what he was doing. Matthew and I believed they weren't doing him right to fill his tummy up after every time I nursed him, because then he knew he'd get full no matter how much effort he put into it. A Lactation Specialist came by yesterday morning and saw my frustration that he was wide awake and wouldn't eat much. He ate 18 ML when his "full feeding" was set at 56 ml. I told her I didn't think he was hungry enough. She asked the DR to let us drop the feeding amount and he didn't believe it would work, but he said we could try it. BOOM, they dropped the amount to 45 and his nursing sessions shot up to 41 ml, then 53, then 45, then 18 (he was trying to poop the whole time - and was hungry AFTER time was up), then 58 ML!!! In your face people, he's a pro at nursing - he just needs to be hungry and not be pooping or hiccuping. (Hiccups were a problem earlier this week too.)

I've been allowed to do back-to-back feedings today, you do two in a row then break for two and back on for two in a row. We'll see how the next back-to-back goes... if well, then they'll let him feed "on demand" instead of every 3 hours and if he does well - we'll be going home! Want to know something sad? They took an X-ray this morning and it looks a bit hazy. The problem is, his lungs were never fully clear... I think he's never fully recovered yet, but the Dr is worried something might be creeping up. BUT, it's not serious at this point, it's unclear, so the Doctor is just watching him for now. PRAY his lungs clear up. I can't bear to win the nursing battle only to face an infection. I feel strongly that he's fine and getting better. His oxygen levels have been great while I've been there, but a nurse I don't like was claiming his oxygen saturation has dropped several times. I think it's the monitor... but, we'll find out tomorrow. Pray the monitors are reading accurately! lol Pray for everything. Overcompensation in this case is not a bad thing.

I want to bring my baby home! Love you all!

William on Wednesday :)

2009-12-16T22:27:00.001-07:00

Today was a good day. Feeding is moving way slower than I thought it would. I'm learning that pre-term babies are SO different than full term when it comes to energy... all the nurses and doctors keep reminding me how sick he was last week and they think he's doing better than expected. I just want him home!

Like I said, today was a good day. I get to go in and feed him every six hours, the most recent one, he ate the the most he ever has from me. yay! They weigh him before and after I nurse him, so they know exactly what he got. He needs to be eating 75% of his feeding before they'll advance him to nursing back-to-back feedings or doing the "on demand trial." When they think he's ready, they let me feed him as he's hungry for 24 hours and if he does well and doesn't lose weight, we get to take him home! I hope that day comes quick. I'm trying to be patient.

Here are a few pictures I snapped with my phone. Even though it was through glass and poor quality, I love the one of the boys looking in! The nurses thought having William wave his hand was hilarious.

William Today :)

2009-12-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give you an update. William has still been off oxygen, they're confident he's way passed the point of needing it. They have a hose that blows some out to hold in front of his face if his oxygen saturation drops, they've only had to use it twice for a couple minutes since Saturday.

I get to try nursing him 3 times/day... at first, he was very tired and it was moving slow, now he's doing much better. His Jauntis came back up a little, so he was under the light again yesterday afternoon. That makes him extra tired, so it slows the nursing progress. He should be over it by the morning because the levels dropped significantly overnight. Let's hope it stays that way.

The only thing keeping William here is the fact he needs to nurse on his own and gain weight on a regular basis. He's even off the IV fluids. We feel like we're SO CLOSE, but it could still be 5 or 6 days. I hope he stays healthy and strong and we have him home next week.

NO MORE OXYGEN!?

2009-12-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

They started William's nasal canula (I called it capula last post, sorry)... at 4 liters... they weaned him down to 3.5, then 2, then 1 this morning. While I was there, they took it out!!! William is now breathing completely on his own! I REALLY hope it stays that way!

His Jauntis is also cleared up, so no more photo therapy, no more mask over his eyes! The only thing he has on his face is a feeding tube, and that might be gone soon too! The nurse believed I could try breastfeeding him tomorrow. :) I am so excited! SO MUCH good news, I can't contain myself.

One Dr suggested it would only be a couple days before he could go home once he could try nursing, but the nurse today said that could take 7 days. :( I hope not. Matthew was saying she only said that because she doesn't want to see him go, because he's so cute! And I must agree.

We're still praying he keeps it up and I am again, letting myself get my hopes up and planning on bringing him home Sunday or Monday. Yay!

CPAP is gone for good?

2009-12-10T11:51:00.001-07:00

The mask on his face, the CPAP, was taken off yesterday evening... then put back on three hours later, about 10:30pm. But, this morning, an awesome Dr decided to remove the CPAP and just put him on the nasal Capula on a higher level of oxygen, then they can take the level down as he compensates for himself.

I am so happy to see it off! William actually showed a bit of jauntis the last couple days, the least of our worries for sure, because he's at the right place if it really goes anywhere. Today the level was higher than they wanted, so they put him on photo therapy, which is just a simple lamp sending some light into as much exposed skin as possible. Because of that, his eyes have to be covered. So that's kind of a bummer we still can't see his whole face, but his little body is uncovered, and so cute! I was with him for about 2 1/2 hours this morning, he was holding my hand almost the whole time and needed attention for a while. They took off a couple sticky bandages and removed the CPAP while I was there, those little things bothered him a lot. Matthew's with him now and he's sleeping peacefully. I am just so happy we're moving forward and I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow!

Feeding him is going well, if his belly keeps accepting the milk they're putting down the tube, in two days, he won't need any other IV nutrition - it will be 100% Mom's milk. :) That makes me happy to know I can help him in some way. No new pictures yet, I want one without the eye mask so you can see his face better.

William UPDATE!!!

2009-12-08T19:13:00.001-07:00

You'll have to read the post below if this is your first visit to our blog since his birth.

Matthew and I went to the hospital hoping to witness them putting breastmilk in the tube that goes down to his stomach and hopefully hear good news after an x-ray would be taken. By the time we got there, they already had results in from the x-ray and there was NO MORE air in his chest after the tube had been sealed for 8 hours. So, wow, they decided to remove it already! So soon, we had no idea it would ever come out so soon. We're crossing our fingers that it really is how it looks and his lungs have healed wherever that opening was... he's still on the CPAP, his lungs have some functioning to catch up on and clear up some haze (they call it lung disease, but that sounds way more serious to me).

I got to change his diaper, Matthew got to put the breastmilk down the tube, we got to witness them remove the tube from his lungs, I have a picture of it. See how it curls like a pig's tail? That part and some of the straight part were all in his chest, so uncomfortable!

He was so alert and awake, his eyes were open for SO LONG and he was looking around and trying to grab at the velcro of the CPAP and other cords... acting just like a real newborn with life back into the picture! I have a picture of him with his eyes open! I only had my cell phone with me, but this picture is worth a bazillion words.

Love you all!

Pictures

2009-12-08T15:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome William Gene Garner!

2009-12-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

Born: December 6, 2009 Weight: 5 lb 15 oz Length: 18"

Our little William gave us a rough pregnancy and couldn't make it easy right off the bat either :)

As is common and expected with premature babies, his lungs weren't quite ready for our world, so he was taken to the NICU, expecting a 12-24 hour "transitionary" stay. However, after a couple x-rays, questions and scares, they discovered he had a pneumothorax. If you've seen the movie "Just Like Heaven" there's a hilarious scene where they help out a waiter who had a Tension Pneumothorax where they had to make an incision in his chest to free some air.

William's lungs allowed some air to escape into his chest, which put pressure on his heart and lungs and needed to be drained. (At first in x-rays, they thought it may have been fluid which could've been more serious like pneumonia or an infection, so air at this point is good news.) They attempted simply using a needle and syringe to suck some air out, but the opening in the lungs wasn't healed yet, so air accumulated again. This brings us to 11pm yesterday where Matthew and I were with him and were present for them surgically inserting a tiny tube into his chest that would constantly suck any possible air out of that space. I wish we had copies of the x-ray, technology is amazing, it was a simple procedure and William did great. He got morphine, what would you expect?

They didn't know (still don't know) exactly how long it would take the lungs to repair and recover, but once it's 100%, they'll remove the tube. Exciting news this morning was they sealed the end of the tube, which means it wasn't sucking air out to see if air accumulated again - so far so good! Way sooner than we expected for that... he still has some haziness where his lungs have 1-2 days of catching up to do, so he's hooked up to what they call a CPAP, giving his lungs a little bit of pressure with oxygen... if I were a doctor I could explain this all way better. Anywho, the numbers are looking great, they're going to attempt giving him some milk I pumped through a tube into his tummy around 3pm today... if it goes well, they'll continue to do so every 3 hours. About 5pm tonight, they'll take an x-ray to see the status of the haze and air. I'm allowing myself to get my hopes up so I can bear this. But I'm doing well and felling really good about it.

We love you all, appreciate your prayers. We know he's being watched over, he's a strong boy, if things continue on the right path, we could possibly have him home this weekend!!!

PS The labor was a terrible 13 hours, but ended on a humorous note when I told them "it's hard not to push..." and ta-da, 1 1/2 contractions later, he popped out - Dr. Wilde didn't even have both of his gloves on, but luckily he caught him! (I told them it was hard not to push!) ;)

Where there's a Will...

2009-12-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

Me oh my. Let me give you the sum up of this pregnancy:

Week 5- week 18: TERRIBLE nausea. With this one, not only was I throwing up, I got strongly nauseous after doing dishes for 5 minutes, it was a sad time. I felt awful. - lost 11-13 pounds.

Week 18: I joined a Thyroid study. They're testing to see if pregnant mom's thyroid being normal makes the baby have a higher IQ than babies whose mom's lower thyroid was left untreated. Magical side effect --Nausea was 80% gone! I could live again, it was awesome.

Week 20: Totally inspired Dr. Wilde decided to test me early for Gestational Diabetes. Results were positive. I was scared and devestated. Anywho, baby was healthy, I'm glad we discovered it early. It was really hard to be on a restricted diet, not because it was hard to diet, but hard to stop losing weight.

Week 20-32: We struggled A LOT with learning what to eat to gain weight and finally got it figured out after getting IV fluids on 4 separate occasions, weekly diabetes "specialist" visits and 3 ultrasounds to check on the bugger. Whole milk instead of 1%, as much bacon and eggs as I could stand, nuts and soda... soda? Who knew.

Week 33: Blood pressure goes up... my lower number was chilling nicely in the 60s for the whole pregnancy, week 33 -> 92. Grr... Now they're worried I have Pre-eclampsia or Toxemia. I get a couple of blood tests and a 24 hour urine. I know it's not a fun topic, but something funny, I had to work while I was doing the 24 hour urine... you basically collect everything for a day and keep it in a jug, then keep that jug with ice packs or in a fridge. I didn't want to keep this backpack with me at all times, so I left it in the bathroom on the floor under the sinks with a note: This belongs to Amy Garner, please DO NOT MOVE. Thanks! 801-373-9810... someone complained anyway, security removed it anyway. I had an angry talk with that security officer and my favorite argument was, "if you thought it was something dangerous like a bomb, it's better to go off in [the manager's] office opposed to the bathroom?"

Labs came back fine - we're just tracking blood pressure more closely now. Fun fact: little guy was head-up during the ultrasound this week, naughty boy. I'm so ready to spank his newborn wrinkly tush.

Week 34- week 35 1/2: visiting the Dr's office twice/week for blood pressure test, two NST (non-stress tests where they monitor baby for 20 minutes), and yes, another 24-urine on Thanksgiving day. Yay.

Thanksgiving Day: My feet swell... this is normal for some pregos, but not for me and it went from 0 to 60 in 24 hours without going down during the night. I was admitted to Labor and Delivery and monitored for 3 hours... my blood pressure was the highest it's been and they start talking about "if" we had to induce... thank goodness it's not pre-eclampsia yet, still just high blood pressure. I get to go home, but on BEDREST. dun dun dun...

Week 36: Present time :) After 3 days of bedrest, my blood pressure is the lowest it's been in 3 weeks. Yay! Even though there aren't studies backing up the theory bedrest lowers blood pressure, I guess I've become a believer - for me anyway. Every day counts. We're praying this week is a boring one and my blood pressure stays down. I am SOOO lucky and blessed to have people in our new neighborhood volunteering to come play with the boys a couple hours each day. Stephen was talking up a storm with Jen Ricks who helped us today - thank you so much!

So... I was laying in bed a few days ago, crying... why on earth is it one problem after another with this baby? He's kicking and going crazy everyday like life is peachy keen but we are struggling to keep him in there! Then it popped into my head, "where there's a Will, there's a way." I cried myself to sleep, but thought, okay, this guy's going to come when he's meant to come and he'll be ready. I'm so happy we chose to name him William. No Bill, Billy, Mac or Buddy... if you don't want to call him William, it's Will, because his is strong.

Love you all!!!

Holy Cow, October's almost through!

2009-10-21T12:16:00.001-06:00

HELLO
So... I should blog more. :) The pregnancy is going fine, same drama as usual, it's just routine now. The baby's still healthy as far as we know, and kicking like crazy! Time is flying by. Only 9 weeks until I'm induced if I hadn't gone in to labor on my own. That sounds so short! Do you know what that means? Christmas is really close! We're stuck here for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is fine by me.

MOVING AGAIN?!
We just moved from upstairs to downstairs, because rent is cheap and we didn't want to move anywhere but our old ward. I got a call from a friend in our old ward about a 3 bedroom apartment opening up. It's only $80 more than we're paying now. Um, yes, please? 3 kids in a 2 bedroom, I'm sure would've only been cool for half of a day. So, this weekend, we make the move! Then we better not have to move for a LONG, LONG time!

Job Hunting Again?!
Many of you have heard that Omniture was bought by Adobe. We had no idea what would happen with Matthew. We knew there was a possibility he wouldn't be able to stay, since he was hired as a "temporary" employee anyway. Yesterday, we received the news, he's being let go on November 6th. It was a blessing and a miracle that he got this job when he did. It was right about the time they were reducing my hours by 30% on a consistant basis at Nu Skin, this job financially saved us. Now we find ourselves facing the reality of the unknown again and all I can say is, please pray that things work out somehow. I love you Matthew! You worked extremely hard and this situation bites, but we'll make it!

The BOYS!!!
Patrick and Stephen are so funny. They have so much fun as brothers. They play fight, they really fight, and when one of them is not around, the other one asks where they are and doesn't know what to do with himself. So cute! Patrick turns 5 next month, I can't believe it. And soon Stephen will be 3. They're both aware of baby William and are looking forward to him coming. Stephen thinks William is going to punch him, and said he'll have to punch him back. I knew older siblings could be mean to little babies, I didn't know it was premeditated. We'll keep a close eye on that dude.

Love you all!

Pictures!

2009-09-17T15:03:00.000-06:00

I don't really have any NEW good news. The company Matthew works for is being bought by Adobe. We believe his department is necessary and won't be touched one minute, then worry they'll be redundant and have to cut back the next... hopefully we'll have a solid idea next week.

This pregnancy is still hard and stuck in the mud as far as progress with the Gestational Diabetes. I'm still not gaining weight, but ketones are dwindling, so that's better. Little guy keeps kicking away.

I realized I put a lot of pictures on facebook, but hardly any on the blog! So here you go This is possibly Baby WILLIAM. Matthew's finally decided. We both like the name and now we have to figure out a middle name and try using it out loud for a couple weeks and we'll know for sure! I was 20 weeks along for this photo.

It's hard to remind them we go to the zoo to SEE animals, not to become them. They're still cute though!

Matthew's Dad Aaron joined us at a park in Salt Lake for some fun and pizza. I love this picture. Even the boys and the dog cooperated!

We hope everyone is doing well, love you all!

Dealing with Diabetes

2009-09-02T16:32:00.000-06:00

Who knew losing weight would be so much trouble? I have been dealing with Gestational Diabetes for 3 weeks now. Luckily, the baby is growing healthy and strong. Since I've been on restricted carbs, I've lost more weight. When you're not eating enough calories, your body reaches into your own fat and protein storage to compensate, which then releases ketones into your system and those, like everything, get passed to the baby. I have been doing weekly follow ups for the diabetes because they were trying to get a set pattern on my blood sugar and see the ketones go away. In the beginning, they were 5, 15 or 40... now they are 40-80 every day. This was a red flag to a specialist on the Maternal Fetal Medicine floor and she sent me right away to get IV fluids. Side note: I told them my left vein wasn't good, they tried it anyway and it didn't work... I think they take it as a challenge, I'm never letting them use my left vein again!

Anywho, what do they tell me to do to get rid of the ketones? Eat more! As many of you know, I'm a thrower upper when I'm pregnant - especially in the beginning. With this third pregnancy, I was even more nauseous... so I belive that just changed my appetite completely. I get full WAY faster now, a sandwich or burger is hard to finish and I've thrown up for eating too much before. I've been eating more, trying to avoid another IV fluid visit, and the ketones are still ever present and now my blood sugar is going up. I called the dietician today, as directed, and was told to eat more.

One of the big risk factors for diabetes is being overweight, so naturally, most diabetics are not told to eat more. The weight loss is boggling my Doctor, the specialists and Diabetes management people... they tested my thyroid and other chemical levels and everything's normal. So now it looks like more tests. If you're still awake at this point, I guess I'm saying this because I'm frustrated and I'm sick of hearing the same things. Emotionally, I've been doing great this pregnancy, even dealing with the nausea and stuff... but the stress of the current issue is making it really hard to think about anything else or be happy, period. Just pray that the doctor's will know what to do. Going to the hospital and Dr's office 1-2 times/week is taking a toll on me and the poor kids. I'm ready for the Doctors to have an answer.

I can't find anybody that had this problem before, so if you know anyone who had gestational diabetes and high ketone levels, I would love to talk to them. I can't even find that situation online which is even more frustrating. And, no offense, don't give me any advice or tips related to foods or ketones. I've spent countless hours with my own research and hearing the SAME things from all the doctors and nurses, I'll cry if anyone else asks the same question or gives me the same advice I've heard 20 times. In the mean time, I'll eat more. I love you all and I know everyone has their problems to deal with. This was just my little venting moment. Thank you!

Updates - August 2009

2009-08-25T03:15:00.000-06:00

My initial worries about the baby having a heart condition are gone, the little guy is healthy and strong - developing as he should so far! I'm getting used to the new diet. They keep bringing me back into the hospital to check up on it, and I was informed today I'll probably be put on a pill with synthetic insulin starting next week. I hope that works, so I don't need the shots! I keep dreaming of what I'm going to eat or drink first after this baby's born. Right after I deliver, I'm going to drink 3 large cups of apple juice. That's my comfort drink. Maybe 5.

Matthew is enjoying his job... he was surprised by the super casual dress, but adapted quickly and started wearing jeans like everyone else (including managers). He also had lunch delivered a couple times, and must rub it in my face. Today, he had a delicious sandwich, a custard-filled eclaire and strawberries. I almost cried when he told me. I want a custard-filled eclaire!!! Okay, tantrum over. I love Matthew and I'm so happy his new job is going well.

WE MOVED! Our apartment number has changed from 2 to 3 and that's it. Moving EVERYTHING from upstairs to downstairs wasn't what I would call fun, but it was certainly nice to not have to tetris it into a Uhaul. **I had terrible flashbacks of when we began our move to New York, had the stinking trailer full and TOO MUCH STUFF still in the apartment. ugh ** The boys like the change, and I must admit I do too. It must be human nature to enjoy something different. The whole mission in moving was to not live above anybody anymore. Now the boys can jump and run all they want. Mission accomplished. Now we just need shelves.

Love you all!

Fun Stuff

2009-08-06T01:42:00.000-06:00

Amy turned 25!!! I had a good birthday, splashing in our little blow up pool at my mom's, Tucanos for linner, and more splashing and then rockband. It's the simple things and time with family that make these little events hard to let go of. I only got to say "it's my birthday" as an excuse about 20 times, I'll try to do better next year.

Our 6 year Anniversary!!! I can't believe it's been six years, it has been a roller coaster of a journey and I really appreciate the place it has brought us to. I love Matthew, he loves me, we have two great little boys that are still changing by the week!

Stephen's Potty Training!!! He has a good phase with no accidents, then slips up a few times, then gets back on track. He's only 2 and doing super well, I'm way excited he'll have it down like a pro by the time #3 comes - which was my goal!

Patrick's a school boy!!! Patrick got his 4 shots to prepare for school a couple days ago. He's a tough kid and I try not to dramatize things. We talked about his shots a bunch and just put his adventure right after my doctor's visit. After the Doctor was listening for the baby's heartbeat, Patrick kept saying, "mom, I want my shots now!" Dr. Wilde said, "Patrick, I think you're the bravest boy I know!" ... I knew Patrick just wanted to get stickers. He said ow a couple times, but no tears and got over it about 10 seconds later. He missed the deadline by a couple months to go into Kindergarten, but will begin Preschool this August. Our local Elementary school doesn't have any preschool programs, so we're looking elsewhere.

Matthew got a job!!! How GRATEFUL I am to announce that Matthew has a new job starting next Monday, August 10th. He's been looking for 5 months now and this one is pretty darn good to start with. It's not his dream job and it's not permanent. For now, it's a 3-month commitment, full time, and they will then see if they want to sign him on as a regular employee after that. It's with Omniture, and he'll be happy to fill you in on details later.

Amy is half way!!! We're half way in this pregnancy as of this Monday. Man, I'm tearing up just thinking about this, maybe I'm not in a state to talk about it. This has been the hardest pregnancy out of all three. My nausea dwindled and almost vanished over the last month. The latest record was making it 7 days, until yesterday. Yesterday I took an initial screening for gestational diabetes (a form of diabetes some women have during pregnancy), it didn't look too good, so I went in today for an extensive testing of it and the results: still not good. I officially have gestational diabetes. There is a hormone produced by the placenta that makes your body have to work harder at producing insulin to manage the sugar levels. An average pregnant woman's pancreas creates up to 3 times the normal amount of insulin to compensate. Some unlucky women (about 4%) have greater insulin resistance and this is what causes the hypoglycemia, gestational diabetes. Many women eat starchy or carby things to handle nausea. This is what makes me feel most guilty of all... I have depended on pastas, breads and potatoes a LOT to help me keep something down. As I was educating myself on my new condition, I read this is the worst type of food to have other than small quantities because it's broken down into glucose while digesting. Having lost 9 pounds from nausea, and being unaware of this fact, I thought whatever I could eat - the better... not knowing I was making matters worse. It's not the best news to get diagnosed with GD this early in the pregnancy, there's a risk of other problems the baby could have. I really hope and pray we caught it at a good time and it didn't exist when the baby started developing, otherwise, little guy could have heart problems and a risk of having diabetes, himself. Please pray for him. (I keep saying him and guy because we're all 90% sure it's a boy, it'll be official next week.) We'll have an ultrasound set up for purposes of seeing if he's been affected in a negative way in a day or two. I hope he's okay. I hope the doctor and nutritionist will be inspired to know what I need to get this thing back on track - even if it's insulin shots, I just want to get it taken care of quickly.

Sorry to end on the worst note, but our family has SO MUCH to celebrate. Our family is happy and doing well. I can't wait to see what comes next!

"I don't want to be a missionary!"

2009-07-08T02:34:00.001-06:00

Funny little story about Patrick this week.

Patrick came out of primary class with a paper that replicated an enlarged missionary name tag with Patrick's name on it... when I asked him about it, he looked disappointed and said, "They did my name wrong!"

"No they didn't, bud," I assured him, "it says 'Elder Garner.'"

"That's not my name!"

I laughed, "Oh, Patrick, when you're a missionary, everyone is called Elder, like in church when we say Brother or Sister Garner. They will call you Elder Garner."

"Aw, then I don't want to be a missionary!" He was really upset, on the verge of tears.

lol That was just too funny... he'll come around soon, I'm sure.

Fun Stuff - Update on our little fam

2009-06-24T01:41:00.000-06:00

Matthew is being an awesome stay-at-home Daddy whilst he searches for an awesome job. It better be awesome because we REALLY REALLY want it. Everyone PRAY he gets a job he'll enjoy. There's one we're waiting on at UVU in the Athletics department we're really excited about, this is the week we're expecting a call for an interview. Wish him luck!

Amy is now over 3 months pregnant! Most of you know - so here it is officially. I was sick a lot with Patrick and Stephen, but I tell you, this child is making life ridiculously tough. I feel constantly nauseous when I don't take medication for it and nauseous about half the day when I do take the medicine. We got to see an ultrasound a couple weeks ago, that was comforting. Having a miscarriage at 14 weeks with it being a blighted ovum (failed pregnancy where cells just reproduce) really made me paranoid, but we saw a little body and a big head - it's a human, yay! We'll know the sex FOR SURE in August.

Patrick is growing too fast! Poor guy's pants were prepared for a flood and shirts were revealing his cute belly button... we went and bought him some clothes. I can't believe he's four years old. He tries being a third parent when it comes to punishment for Stephen. He's really got the threats down too, today he said, "Stephen??? Okay, if you're not here in 1 minute, I'm putting Optimus Prime in the garbage!" Then me, "Patrick, you're not his mommy or daddy, stop it!" Too bad he doesn't want to sweep and mop the floor like a mommy or daddy.

Stephen's phrase for the month "I want to HUG youuuu." Sounds so sweet, but really it's to delay his going to bed or time out. We'll gasp, "Stephen! Why'd you throw all your food on the floor?!" His response, "I want to HUG yooouuuuu." He also lost a toenail this month. He went into the bathroom at the bowling alley, I sent Patrick after him. Patrick bursts the door open with Stephen standing right behind it and took a good chunk of skin off the big toe and pushed the nail up. The nail finally fell off a couple days ago. If you know Stephen, you know there's something wrong if he doesn't have a cut, scrape or a bump somewhere on his body - usually there's a combination.

We welcome back cousin Derek from his mission, we wish Grandma Garner to get well, we congratulate Matthew's mom for COMPLETING her residency (yay Dr. Rose), wishing luck to mom and dad on their home improvements, congratulating Brian and Lisa for their updates and Jacob's baptism, it was fun to see Lisa and the kiddos from Arizona - don't go crazy, have fun moving Jen, hope you like your job Lori, keep it up on the mission Mike & Randy... and we wish everyone else a fun, happy, fabulous SUMMER!!! If I forgot you - you rock and I still love you!

Do you watch Jon & Kate plus 8?

2009-05-26T23:42:00.001-06:00

Hi everyone. I know that's a silly title, but I've watched that family since their show started.

For those that don't know, they're a couple with twins and sextuplets with a reality show on TLC. Recently, Jon's been acting like a teenager, going to clubs and such while Kate was on a book tour. There were rumor's he was having a full-out affair, but he's denying it, so we'll say the worst is his questionable behavior. Good husbands know going to a night club when married is a no no!

So, their lives have been in the limelight anyway and now they're in the tabloids. The latest episode included them addressing the latest "news" of their drama and Kate feels they're on the brink of divorce - mostly Jon's choice.

This is too ironic. I was watching an episode from the last season when Matthew was living in New York. At the time, I thought I was on the brink of divorce and in their episode, they renewed their wedding vows - a big shabang in Hawaii. I remember crying because I wanted a marriage like that. I wanted to be so in love and commited that we would publicly do it over again.

Now, I'm so happy to report, my marriage is the BEST it has ever been. Seriously, though we still have daily blahness and frustrations that come with life and kids - I'm more happily married now than I was as a newlywed. Matthew and I really have changed as people over time, and it could've played a part in breaking us apart. I don't know what did it. I certainly know my time of being the only parent with the boys for 6 months dished me some humility I never expected... I don't know what took place in Matthew's mind and heart as well - but truly, he has exceeded my expectations and I can honestly say I feel I don't deserve him. I was "public" on this blog about our issues, so I am happy to be public that we are doing GREAT. I am SO happy I didn't file for a divorce.

As in Ratatouille, "the only thing predictable about life is it's unpredictability." I thought we were going to have a ton to get over to have a happy marriage and it would take a long time to recover. But I've been in bliss for 3 months and can't wait to see what the future holds. Marriage is a looooooooong road, but I certainly have more faith and hope in changes that can take place within us and our relationship for the good.

Seeing Jon and Kate's update today made me cry in sadness for them, but made me very grateful and happy for how far we've come. If being apart for 6 months is what it took for this miracle, I would do it over again for the same results any day.

I love you honey!

Our Boring Life

2009-05-18T01:54:00.000-06:00

I, as the wife and Mom, don't feel like life is ever boring. There is a lack of drama, which I'm grateful for. I'll ask for boring any day.

Matthew is STILL REALLY helpful around the apartment. He is so good with the boys and very patient with me! We got a season pass to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, the boys are at the perfect age for it - they love going!

I'm still working at Nu Skin on the graveyard shift and limited hours for my brother's website. Matthew is working with a new Hockey Team, they've reached approval for everything if I understand correctly and now they're just waiting on funding. We all know how much he would love working for a hockey team again! They're called "Chill" and they're a minor-pro league team??? I don't know if I'm saying anything right, so I'm done with that part.

The boys have bunkbeds, yay! We got them for $40 on craigslist. Best thing ever. hmm.... I don't know what else to say! We love you all!

Fun Stuff the kids say

2009-04-09T23:08:00.000-06:00

If you have seen our kids recently, you'll know Stephen's favorite thing to say is, "My name's Stephen!" He'll say, "Daddy?" "Daddy?" -yes, Stephen? "My name's Stephen!" He can do it a hundred times a day and it's still cute!

Patrick said a few days ago, "Mommy, did you see me doing something naughty?" -No, bud. What did you do? "Nuffing!"

I have nothing more to say because life is just so peachy! Matthew's still on the job hunt and also hoping to work with a hockey team again in the future. I still love working for Nu Skin and working with my team.

We had fun in California - even went to Disneyland! I'm also going to pick up some photography projects this summer again if time allows. We love you all!

LIFE - can't complain :)

2009-03-17T03:47:00.000-06:00

Matthew's doing well being back. Of course he's adjusting to the never-ceasing needs of the kiddos, yet remembers well how to tune them out at appropriate times.

I LOVE having him here, he's so helpful around the apartment, with the boys and I'm actually getting about 6 hours of restful sleep, which is amazing compared to the 3-4 of the past and waking up to messes or fighting boys! I haven't snored in months and now I do every night! sorry hun

Pray Matthew can find a good job that he enjoys, quickly! I'm sure his stay-at-home-dad routine will lose it's appeal soon, especially with the poor little guys being sick last week and having too many bodily fluids coming out at inconvenient times.

For now, we're doing fine. The hospital bills from Stephen's visit aren't covered as much as I was hoping for, but we'll take what we can get. We qualified for CHIP for February, so that reduced what would be about $9,000 to $2,000 when all is said and done. (I'm knocking on wood, because it's only what we've been told.) Thank you all for your prayers and caring about him, he recovered quickly and is doing great!

Matthew and the boys are heading out to California for one week, I'm lucky enough to have purchased a plane ticket for $37 round trip, so I'm flying out for Fri, Sat and coming back Sunday before work. Fun times!

Footprints in the Sand

2009-03-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

I keep crying as I think of my husband coming back from New York. Not of sadness, but relief. The past 6 months really have been the hardest of my life. It taught me the strength I have, it taught me to not sweat the small stuff and taught me I still have many weaknesses to work on.
The last 6 months as a single mom were definitely hard. But, truthfully, some things were too easy. I have two jobs that I love, I have family who are very helpful and live close by... As I thought of both aspects, I couldn't help but finally realize I am living in a time of being carried. If you're not familiar with the poem (the title of this note), there's a man seeing his lifetime and also 2 sets of footprints in the sand. They belonged to the man and the Savior. The man was troubled and said, why is it that in the hardest times in my life, there was only one set of footprints...you abandoned me? ... the Savior says something similar to, "I didn't leave you, it was then that I carried you."
I SO don't deserve all the help I've received from the Lord, but I am certainly grateful for it and humbled to know I could not have lived the life I have with the attitude and ability I have, if it weren't for Him.
I'm excited to have my teammate back to help out with the boys and keep me company. He's on his way back here, and then we have the rest of our lives to figure out how to be the happiest we possibly can.

Matthew's coming back to Utah next week!

2009-02-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

Stephen's situation has taken much attention, so many people don't know he's coming back here for sure and he's packing up this weekend and starting the drive! He'll probably arrive on Wednesday.

Me and the boys are way excited. And I can't say it enough, I'm so ready for the sun to set on this day. This has been the hardest six months of my life - I learned so much and gained so much, but, "check, please!" I'm finished with this one.

We are looking forward to seeing you honey, drive safe!!!

Good word from the good Doctor!

2009-02-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

We had our follow-up appointment today, I was shocked at the immense progress of his swollen lymphnodes just today! Dr. Wilde thought he was doing great too and said to set an appointment for Wednesday but to cancel it if the lump is completely gone. If there's any remaining by then, it will most likely be a sack of puss that will need to be drained. Nice, I know. But let's hope there's no lump, so no more doctors! And I never want to go to the hospital again!!!

I wasn't going to have a birthday party for Stephen, but after this, I really want to. How many reminders does a mom need to enjoy the present before it's too late?! So, come for cake and a birthday song at the colorMEkitchen Party. You won't need to buy anything, I just need to spread the word about what colorMEkitchen is all about since it's new. There won't be a presentation or anything, products will just be set up on tables. Look at the colorMEkitchen Parties page on facebook, when you RSVP to attend yes or maybe, you'll get a message with the address. The people living there are paranoid to have their address on the web.

Love you all!

WE'RE HOME!

2009-02-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Home, sweet home! This child will be spoiled completely for the next 24 hours. And Stephen will be loved and appreciated by me and Patrick more than ever.

Stephen's antibiotic may be the wrong one and it still may work too slowly to the dr's liking... PLEASE pray it works fast so he won't be resubmitted on Friday.

Thank you all for your love and prayers, I never want to have a sick child in the hospital again. To everyone that's had that happen, I feel for you.

3 days away from being 2 years old and STILL in the hospital!

2009-02-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this guy isn't two yet! I just started bawling when I thought his birthday was this Sunday. I can't wait to be home, I can't wait for him to not have an IV, I can't wait for him and his brother to get to play again!

They actually aren't as sure about which bacteria caused the infection as they sounded yesterday. He made progress with his white blood cell count, but not a lot of progress with the other two factors, CRP and ERMGSPQ... I'm not too sure about the last one. So, hopefully we can get home today. If the bacteria is not the stepholocaucusish one, then they'll probably have to switch antibiotics again and keep him to make sure it works again... His poor swollen neck/chin thing has not changed a whole lot. It stopped growing, but it's still big and odd. -- We were just changing his bandaging around the IV and it came out, so for the next treatment, he gets to be poked all over again. It's so sad he's too young to understand, so he has to be restrained by at least two people any time a proceedure like that is done.

GOOD NEWS!!!
The apartment me and the kids have been in for the last 5 months will no longer be available, so I was on the hunt for the last couple weeks and not enjoying it. About every apartment does credit checks now, so that's not cool, getting your credit checked 5 times in one week just for an apartment?! I was picky with whom I submitted applications to. I finally saw one that I LOVED in Provo and we just got approved this morning in all aspects, so the apartment is ours! Our new address will be available shortly, we move in March 1st. I almost got into a different apartment in Orem, but the manager asked to see the condition of our car... I was like, no way, it's a mess - if you judge me by that we definitely won't get in. I said, you should come see our apartment, it looks great! ...still after he looked, and after him being weird about a couple other things, I felt terrible inside. I now hated the thought of living there. So, I said I changed my mind. I said, "you made me feel like a terrible person and I want to be happy where I live." And I got the deposit back. Hello people, you may forget about a couple cups in the cupholders, but you wouldn't let two disposable cups sit in the middle of your living room floor for a week. My car never represents the condition of my house... even if I get a chance to detail the inside of the car, the apartment would be a mess for me using that time to clean the car!

Stephen's in the hospital :(

2009-02-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

So... me, Patrick and Stephen all had a touch of something involving a slight fever and colds... After I thought Stephen's was gone, he got another fever and a nice ballooning of his lymphnodes under his chin. I called the dr's after-hours office and they thought like me, that it was due to his cold and should go down soon. Sunday, I called again and they said if it doesn't go down by morning to take him in.

Yesterday, we went into the "InstaCare" urgent care facility, after waiting 2 hours, paying $60, they let me know they couldn't help us and he needed to go to the emergency room. Luckily, they refunded me...

ER for 6 hours, an ultrasound and blood tests proved he didn't have an abscess, so luckily, he wouldn't need surgery... BUT the 3 things they look for to know about infections proved to be in really high levels, so we needed to stay over night. It didn't improve, in fact 2 of those 3 things got worse. They also started a culture to see if there was bacteria present and I was just notified that there is, so we get to stay another night and maybe more, depending on his rate of improvement.

Stephen has been his happy self since Saturday and throughout the process (except for the tough testing times and having the IV)... so the doctors and nurses keep saying we should be able to go home soon. I keep thinking to myself, he was NEVER any different... so I don't like them judging him to be improving when he's just a stinkin' happy kid. He's named after Steve Irwin and I feel it's so appropriate more and more the older he gets. He's really kind, talkative and energetically happy.

Luckily, they began detaching his IV from the tubes in between administration of the antibiotics, so he can move around. Up until 2 hours ago, that wasn't the case. Being on the Pediatrics level is tugging at my heart constantly, hearing babies and children cry off and on through the day and night. Every mom would rather take the place of their child than see them suffer... I want to cry every time I have to hold him down for the doctors or nurses to do something (take a blood test).

I am so grateful for the health we've been blessed with as a family and this is just another reminder to me that many people aren't so lucky. I'm just glad we have the technology and resources to find and treat these problems quickly. Your prayers would be appreciated, but if you want any updates, just turn to Matthew or this blog. If there's anything substantial, I'll put it here. Love you all!

"It was brilliant... but now I'm not so sure." - Future Simon Cowell

2009-01-29T00:37:00.001-07:00

So, I auditioned for American Idol in my sleep this morning. (I work graveyard, so it was about 6am.)

I went in and stood on the platform, I sang my little heart out... then fell asleep!!! (This is where real-life sleeping habits kick in.) I saw myself slumped in a chair in the audition room, hearing Ryan Seacrest outside the door saying, "Let's check and see if Amy is awake yet!" I had slept through all the other auditioners, and they were playing clips of me snoring and sleeping throughout the auditions.

I woke up and the camera men were gone, everyone was gone except Simon. He was there in the room playing with trains, waiting for me to wake up (this is where the kids toys on the floor tie in). I freaked out, "oh, Simon! I'm so sorry I fell asleep! Do you want me to sing again? How did I do?"

He looked up, annoyed, "It was brilliant... but now I'm not so sure."

So, I was getting ready to sing again and fell asleep AGAIN! This time I woke up, and Paula was there, reading a magazine. "Oh my goodness, Paula, I can't believe I fell asleep again! Do you want me to sing one more time?"

Paula looked startled, "NO! Here!" She hands me THE yellow paper, "We're sick of waiting for you to stay awake."

Then I was disappointed, I wanted to know I got in because I sang well, not because they were sick of waiting for me.

And that's my dream. At least "I'm going to Hollywood!!!"

Random stuff

2009-01-22T01:47:00.001-07:00

I don't get a lot of time to blog, so usually when I do, it's not so light-hearted or random. Patrick and Stephen keep doing and saying the cutest things and I never write them down.

Today, I got the boys chicken nuggets from Wendys and I handed Patrick his little carton and it happened to have a french fry in it. He said, "Mommy, why's there a fry in my nuggets? Oh! Maybe they thought I was more hungry."

On the airplane...and the status of our marriage.

2009-01-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

So, we've already been on our trip almost the two complete weeks and I just have to talk about one of the plane rides out here.

Stephen was sick the whole day, so he was passed out in my arms. Patrick was opening and slamming the window cover almost the whole time, meanwhile I was holding an interesting conversation with the young lady seated next to us.

Despite having 8 mini bottles of vodka throughout the flight (4 orders of vodka tonic - 2 bottles with each), I was suprised our friendly passenger had so many questions for me and wanted to talk so much. Though her eyes were getting droopier as the flight went on, she was very interested in the standards of our church. After her 1st drink, she asked me if I drank. I told her I don't, though I did when I was younger. She asked why I stopped and I told her that we have "health standards or guidelines" about what to and not to put into our bodies and alcoholic drinks went against those standards. I also threw in that we don't drink coffee, either, and some people find that odd. Her boyfriend is a "mormon," though he doesn't attend church or follow too many of the other principles. Perhaps that's why she was intrigued.

She still pressed the issue of why we were so strict in our standards, why did I want to stop drinking when I was doing it anyway and what's so important to make people want to follow it. We also talked about relationships and families. Again, she was asking all the questions, I wasn't keen on being a missionary with a child in my lap having a puking time bomb and I expected her to zonk out from her sleepy beverages. Still, in my mind, I appreciated the opportunity to say everything out loud. As an adult, we don't often find ourselves energetic about sharing things we enjoy or trying to get others to try it. In this society, we don't want to be turned down or offend anyone. Those are my fears, I guess.

One point that helped me describe it to her and I will always hold onto is this: families are forever. So many religions are aware of the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit, and I tried telling her that that's how I felt that doing right was important. But, so few people know what's beyond this life and why it matters so much. I don't know if my siblings have felt this way or decided it... but even as a 5 year-old, when my brother passed away after being sick with brain cancer, my parents told me we could be with him again. And I believed it. One night when was 15, I ran away and swore at my Mother on the phone, my Dad sat me down and had plenty of things to say... One of them was, he wanted to be together as a family after this life, and he wanted me there too. But I needed to live my life in a way to make that happen. I told this young lady that knowing my brother was already there, probably made me and my other family members work harder at following our beliefs to make sure we can be with him again.

When we talked about why I chose to marry Matthew over staying "with" another boy I liked, and when we talked about her possibly marrying her current boyfriend, I asked her if she saw our temples. I said we can only get married in the temple if we're worthy, because that provides a different marriage than a marriage made any where else. If you're married in a temple, you're sealed to that person and your children for all eternity, so it's a big deal. Again, though she was to the 7th or 8th bottle by now, she seemed to be taking it in.

When we landed, I asked her name and she asked mine. She smiled big and sleepily said, "Amy? I love that mane." (no typo, that's what she said!)

That discussion with her was difficult, because, as of that moment - I was planning on a divorce. I am quite happy with my life in Utah and our marriage was not worth saving. I even had a visit with my Bishop in Utah who said a divorce was the best option (in so many words)... people know that's rare and it's truly what I wanted to hear. I have my problems and every marriage has it's issues. Without getting too personal, there were things from the past that had been forgiven, but not forgotten... considering Matthew didn't recognize the severity of them nor seemed to care about preventing them in the future. It was an unhealthy marriage.

After a couple counseling sessions, a visit with the Bishop in New York, reading several more talks on marriage and divorce... I had a discussion with Matthew where a miracle I was looking for happened. And that's why Matthew and I will rebuild. To tell you the truth, we have no clue if me and the boys are going back to New York or if he's coming to Utah. We'll let you know when we know. :)

One of the talks I read about couples sticking it through instead of getting a divorce, stated they came out a lot stronger. I have faith that is true and I'm going to do my best to help it happen. I'm SO ready for the sun to set on this VERY, VERY LONG day. Some of you may be puzzled, thrilled or shocked by my choice, but I hope you'll just pray for us and support us in this decision.

Wow, this is the longest post I ever made. I love you all and I thank you for reading :)

Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

First, me and the boys made a sudden trip to California to purchase a camera from an old friend for my boss and also stay with Great Grandma, Great Grandpa and Great Aunt Suzy Garner . They were very loving and welcoming... and forgiving when the boys discovered the little porcelain town was not a toy! Thank you for such a warm and loving Christmas!

This year will be no easier than the past, I'm afraid. I sure do hope it brings every member of our little family MORE happiness and MORE comfort and MORE success than ever before.

I don't know how the future will unfold, but I hope everyone understands that we're doing our best and thinking everything through. We talked about the goal-making process in church today as part of a lesson, and the first step is to evaluate. An unwilling, bitter part of me has NO desire to look to the past year, or the past several years, for that matter. But, that would be ungrateful and childish. Just because things don't go as I planned, doesn't mean it wasn't meant to happen and there's nothing I can gain from it.

I gained a lot of good from the past, and the good comes with bad. Matthew is a great father and I know it hurt him to be away from the boys for four months. We're looking forward to having the kids back with him for 2 weeks starting Tuesday! The boys have been amazing to me and they've helped me grow more than I ever thought was possible.

Patrick is into quoting lines from Toy Story, Cars and Polar Express... some things don't come out so clear and sound pretty bad - we're working on enunciation!

Stephen screamed when he was sick and realized the immediate response he got from me and used it the last few days. I'm attempting to time-out it out of him, we'll see how that goes. He's still catching onto words very quickly and I witnessed Patrick calmly repeating a word to Stephen 3 or 4 times while Stephen repeated it back, trying to say it right each time. It was awesome to witness Stephen's will to get it exactly right and Patrick being such a great teacher. No wonder he's speaking so well!

I love you all and wish you a Happy New Year!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2008-12-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

This Holiday Season has been extremely strange and hard for me to enjoy. Not due to anybody, but I wanted Patrick to think Christmas was on the 6th of January... I didn't have money or time for presents for the kids, or anyone, for that matter. With unexpected bank & credit card issues, and other expenses, money's still tight, despite working two jobs.

Thanks to the efforts of my loving ward, this past Sunday morning, a gentleman came with 2 bags full of presents for the boys and myself. I cried for at least an hour, and now again, just thinking about it. The boxes could be empty and still have the same effect. I never told anyone in the ward I was struggling, and didn't complain. These gifts are a reminder that our Savior is watching over us, God cares about us and loves us. Just to know they were thinking of me and the boys means SO MUCH, words cannot describe it.

My sister and Mother have been a GREAT help, they will never know what they mean to me. Now that they're out of town, I'm definitely able to see exactly how much they've been helping me. Finding people to help out was difficult, for the graveyard shift and some day time hours. But loving people came through! I have and will be receiving help with the boys from: My brother and his wife (on top of their 4 children!), a couple from my old ward (Thank you, Hill Family), a few sisters in my current ward, including a nice sister that watched me and my siblings when I was a child! Thank you so much, everyone!!!

My mom placed a few Christmas decorations around the house over the past few weeks that brought the realization of the season into my home... then this evening, my dear friend, Pam, who was helping me with the boys, put beautiful christmas lights up in the living room and some crafty candy canes for our little $8 tree! Thank you, Pam, the boys love the lights.

It's so sad to be away from Matthew, luckily we'll have a delayed Christmas with him at the beginning of January.

This Christmas will be the most memorable of my life. Feeling so much love and support from friends, family and strangers than ever before!

Shocked... that I'm not shocked.

2008-12-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

I know I just wrote a post. But something happened today.

While driving, I turned a corner at a light, turned back to see what Patrick did to Stephen, turned back to the road and SLAMMED on the brakes -- too late. I rear-ended another car.

Normally, if I have an incident related to the car, I'm bawling and panicking. Today, I was sorry, of course, but extremely and unusually calm. The other driver was fine, I was fine - the airbags didn't deploy. Even when I saw there was a nice, 8" crack on the lower fender and a 2" puckered dent at the edge of the trunk, I was calm. I apologized a couple times, simply dug out the insurance information, called the police, then my husband - which normally, I'm VERY afraid to do when I've made a mistake.

I do believe everything happens for a reason.

I ran through my mind what I did wrong/right today... I went to both my jobs and worked hard, said a sincere and thankful prayer (just 1 hour before the accident), was kind to the kids, ordered modestly at Carl's Jr (we go there once in a while when it's freezing outside so the kids can play)... Then it dawned on me. Perhaps this accident showed me the rewards of trust and faith in the Lord. In the past, I realized I wasn't having TRUE faith by having fear of the unknown, because that wasn't trusting him. I decided to let go of the fear several months ago. My calmness today is an honest reward to show that just because we have great faith or we're doing things right, doesn't mean trials and minor or major downfalls will not happen. Still, I know that He is with me. Let's just hope this wasn't the quiz and the TEST is coming.

I'm taking this opportunity to testify that, through all my faults and imperfections... and family issues... I know Heavenly Father is watching us and protecting us. It's extremely comforting and I appreciate Him revealing to me that He can bring me inner peace in a not-so-peaceful situation. If you haven't tried letting go of all your fears, there's no better time than the present. He offered to carry our burdens, just give them to Him! It's the best insurance you can possibly get yourself.

Amy

Line upon line.

2008-12-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Some of you may or may not remember. When Patrick was 18 months old, on several occasions, when he got hurt or upset really fast, he turned blue from not breathing and passed out. The very first time it happened, I was home alone with him, I scolded him for something he did and placed him in time out for the first time. He didn't cry. His lips turned purple, then his face was flushed, then blue... he went limp in my arms. I thought he was dead. Laying him on the floor, I gently shook him, yelling his name through frightened tears, stroking his hair and cheeks. Thinking this was it and my baby, my precious only child, was gone. Just as I was going to give him CPR, his eyes opened and he quietly blinked and acted exhausted. Relieved, I treasured him more than ever.

***

It's been really hard for me in the past to trust Heavenly Father's timeline in regards to where I am in life. I always wanted answers to my prayers immediately and also a map drawn out for how long my trials will last and where I'll be at a certain time in the future... hmm, wouldn't that be nice?

So, I've accepted reality for what it is, to take my life day by day, trying to be the best person I can possibly be. I've also reminded myself to treasure the moments with my beautiful boys. I read the 4 Twilight books MOSTLY in time at my graveyard job, on breaks and when the boys were napping. Still, it did take some attention away from them, and I could see they didn't like it. My heart broke when I looked up from a book one evening to tell Patrick to not run around. He said, "when are you going to work, mommy?" So that was all it took. He's so straight-forward, even if he thinks he's saying something that makes sense and it really doesn't. But, I took that to heart and realized that my presence meant nothing when I was reading those books. After I was done, I decided to read books with them.

Tonight I got them kiddie cones for being good while I was at a Relief Society dinner. When we pulled up at the house, I decided to let them finish their ice cream while I read a book to them. They both watched and listened intently, and when I was done, Patrick said, "okay, mommy. Now read us scriptures, it's sitting on the seat." I always have a military sized Book of Mormon in the car or my purse. So, anyway, I was reading from the scriptures and stopped to explain a verse, then continued. They both, again, listened intently and didn't complain.

***

I underestimate them. I keep saying they will be my little Stripling Warriors. Today I found new resolve to do everything I can to be a mother to them as the Stripling Warriors' mothers were in the Book of Mormon. I'm canceling my home internet and cable service this month. We'll still have movies and basic TV, but my goal is to have more face-to-face time with them every day. They are so precious and they're growing so fast... I still can't get over Stephen's counting and singing, and Patrick's new-found maturity.

This post kind of hops around, but I'm going to take life one day at a time, being the best I can be, treasuring all aspects of my life while I have them, and taking what life dishes. Love you all!

2,000 Miles never seemed so far

2008-11-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

I wanted to first elaborate on what Amy has already said about my jobs.

I work two jobs, one for HSBC Bank and the other for Nichols School. Contrary to ignorant Utah opinion (for some reason many Utahns have never heard of it), HSBC is in fact one of the World's largest and most well-known banks. In fact, if Citi had been allowed to fail, HSBC would have become the #1 Global Bank. As it is, HSBC is #3 in the USA behind Citi and Bank of America. Kind of odd how you can be #2 in the world and #3 in the USA, but it true. HSBC is also known for its financial soundness. Fortune Magazine recently stated that HSBC was one of the most well-funded banks on earth. HSBC bases this soundness in not having become involved in sub-prime mortgages and having more money in deposits than they have lent out. This second fact is in stark contrast to WaMu's recent failure where they were estimated to have loaned out $16 for every $1 on deposit.

Nichols School is a non-denominational prep school in Buffalo and boasts some ridiculous stats. The vast majority of the kids who graduate from the school go to the school of their choice, and most of the time, that choice is Ivy League. The school's most (currently) recognizable graduate is Christian Laettner who played Basketball at Nichols, Duke University, and in the NBA. I work at Dann Memorial Rink where I drive the zamboni and basically run the whole rink on my nights (Wed and Fri). Yes, it is fun to drive the zamboni.

Now to talk more in relation to the title of the post.

As anybody reading this blog knows, I am currently separated from my family by about 2,000 miles, 7 states, two time zones, and any other way the distance could be described. For me, it is a personal hell. I love my family so much and it makes me feel empty, incomplete, not whole, to not have them with me. Much to Amy's chagrin, I spend a decent amount of time watching movies or playing video games, but not for the reasons you would think. I don't do these things because I have tons of free time and nothing to do, or because I am lazy, but rather because they provide distraction from my sad reality. And they don't do that great of a job at it either.

What is especially depressing is what I am missing in my kids development. Patrick is talking more and more clearly, and is acting more mature. He is learning primary songs and how to share toys and be nice to other kids. Stephen is talking up a storm, and recently began counting (without even being taught by either parent). He also is learning to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Alphabet Song and sometimes confuses the two since they use the same tune. While I get to hear some of these happenings over the phone, I don't witness the majority of them. Apparently, Stephen recently had an argument with his Mother in which he decided he wanted to wear underwear and not a diaper. As relayed to me it went something like, "Uh-wear!, Uh-wear!, No Duper! No Duper!" and then he ran (butt naked) and got underwear out of a drawer. I wish I could have seen that because I would have laughed so hard at how cute and funny that was.

I miss lots of things about Amy. One of them being how cute she looks when asleep, except when she snores. Sorry hun, its true, you snore on occasion. I also miss her making Biscuits and Gravy just for me (she isn't a big fan). Mostly I just miss having my best friend around to be with, talk to, joke with, play games with, etc. The day and a half I spent on a short trip to Utah was easily the bright spot in an otherwise black last 2 1/2 months.

I miss them so much, and constantly count the days till they will be with me again. As of this post, 21 days by plane or a few more by car.

Trial and Error

2008-11-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

I'm learning so much lately. For a long time now, I believed I learned a lot as a teenager, and only a little as an adult. I thought that I was growing slowly and had to try HARD to get an actual "life experience" once in a while.

"Distance makes the heart go fonder."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"No pain, no gain."

None of those really meant much to me. Tonight I heard this one in a movie, "I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? With recipes telling us exactly what to do."

"...It's the recipes you create, yourself, that are the best."

Some people that have eaten meals created by my hand know that the good ones came from the freezer or a box! I have prepared some successful dishes from start to finish, but they were never perfect on the first try. I may have some successful moments as a mother, but I was nowhere near perfection in the beginning, nor am I now. Still, I learn what works and what doesn't by trial and error, just like my mystery casseroles or experimental pork chops.

I love the life I have been given, and I'm lucky to have been in it long enough to know which choices bring happiness and which ones bring on the "tough days." I also know what I want, the problem is knowing which ingredients will achieve those results. Being the youngest member of my family, I think I gained a lot simply by observing my parents and four older siblings. I learned how to deal with death, depression, practice and being good at sports and musical instruments, no practice and failing at sports and musical instruments... I learned how the gospel of Jesus Christ applied in some way in every aspect of my life can turn a hum drum appetizer into an irresistibly delicious entree. In these times, we have every life lesson and skill in books - we have billions of recipes in tons of cookbooks recorded over decades.

Sometimes I know we could avoid errors by following the recipe laid out for specific problems we face in our families or society in the scriptures or history books, but sometimes we choose to experiment instead.

I guess keeping a journal is like writing down the ingredients and the consequences you tasted afterwards.

Well, without dumping all my mistakes on everyone, just know I'm doing my best, I'm learning my recipes by guidance from the Master Chef and also by trial and error. I love all my friends and family, past and present, who help contribute to my concoctions.

Thank you

Update

2008-10-19T17:08:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone, there's nothing big to update you on. Me and the kids are still here in Orem, Utah. Matthew is still in New York. He had his first angry customers on the phone for HSBC, but he still likes working there. The rink has benefits he wasn't aware of, such as some hockey players paying him to stay on the ice a little longer. Matthew's boss calls them "tips," not bribes. :)

I'm trying to get as many hours in work as I can, my mom is watching the boys Mon-Wed and our friend Leslie is still watching them for me Thursdays and Fridays. Patrick and Stephen love the crafts and activities with Grandma and look forward to playing with Leslie's boys - so both are a good balance for them. I love being back in my old ward and still love our apartment. I'm used to the bugs now - yay for basements!

The cats are great with the kids too! They used to avoid the boys at all costs, but now they're so good with them. Especially Buddy, he'll be pathetically still while Stephen attempts to pick him up again and again. Poor guy.

Matthew's coming for a quick visit this Friday and I am SOOO excited! It will be fun to see each other after being apart so long. As far as we can tell, things are staying the way they are until May. Other than 3 weeks of me and the kids spending Christmas in NY... we'll see how that goes.

We love you all, we appreciate you and we hope your lives are going well! There's nothing predictable about it, I hope it eventually takes you where you WANT to end up!

Love, Amy, Bumblebee and Batman(their Halloween identities)

Made it safely!

2008-09-18T16:57:00.000-06:00

Me and the kids drove to Utah with two cats over the course of 3 days. I didn't have internet access until today. Something funny, I decided to drive an extra 104 miles just for kicks. I didn't turn in Heber to head down to Provo, I went 52 miles down the curvy, dark mountain, until I gave in and called Matthew about where I was supposed to turn. Going back, I saw there was construction blocking the turning lane and sign for Provo, even though I'm sure there was another one previously that I missed.

We're here, we're settled. I love the babysitter I hired for the kids 3 days a week, then Leslie, a friend for a long time, is watching them for a while 2 days a week. It will be fun for the kids to have other children to play with on week days.

I don't know what the future holds or how long this situation will be, but I feel really good about it. Our travels went smoothly, even among terrible weather, the apartment is great, the kids have adjusted so well. Life would be perfect if Matthew was with us and working at a job he loved at the same time. He's enjoying his jobs so far, has met people to socialize with already and seems to be in the flow of his schedule. He definitely feels like the odd man out when it comes to coffee drinking. Everyone in his orientation class, including the teacher, drinks 2 cups before lunch. He's already been invited to Happy Hour and others welcomed the fact he wouldn't be drinking and said he's the designated driver. Yay for life outside the bubble.

Friendship

2008-09-06T08:59:00.000-06:00

I have been a really great friend to few people, not a good friend to most. I've only had great friends a few at a time, not even many good ones.
Just as God will only give us much when we give him all that is required of us. I can't expect people to send me an e-mail when I haven't sent them one or call me when I haven't called them. I also can't have an excuse that my life is stressful, busy and unpredictable... because almost everyone could use that as an excuse too. Being the youngest of 5 and maybe just a gift I've been blessed with, I learn a lot just from observing people...we've had a lot of communication open up with friends and family recently, which is great. I just wish it wasn't miscommunication or drama that brought us together. Thank you to all my friends and family that have kept in touch with me, and thank you to those who have been open to learning facts from me and Matthew directly. I hope and pray that we can support each other more and more as each day passes.

Moving back to Utah???

2008-08-30T13:45:00.000-06:00

No, but Amy and the boys are going back to Utah for a few months. We don't know the exact time we'll come back to New York. After applying for over 100 jobs and finally getting the one with HSBC, they informed Matthew that one of his employers claimed they had no record of him working there AND coincindentally, our high school is being bull-dozed, so they couldn't get a hold of them to confirm he got his HS diploma there... Matthew worked for Macey's for over 2 years and they switched to a different computer program or something. We don't know how many potential employers tried calling Orem High School or Macey's... but now we see why it may have been so hard for him to get hired! Since it took so long to get a job, our savings is gone and we need to play catch up.

We don't want to get into greater debt by moving out now, so we want to save money and reduce our current debt before we move. I will be working for my brother's website again while me and the kids are in Utah. Matthew and I will be sad to be apart, but we're really looking forward to making financial progress so we can REALLY move into the next chapter of our lives.

What do we need from you? Love and support. We've really thought every aspect through and know this is our best option when all aspects are considered. I'm excited to take the road trip with the kiddies and see my family and friends again. We're heading out the 13th of September. Feel free to call me the 13th-16th to help me stay awake!

Hello Hello!

2008-08-23T20:50:00.000-06:00

What's going on in our lives???

Amy still has photography clients - 2-3 per week, except this week, which was random... but she filled her time with shooting a yoga class and a family in her ward.

Matthew has a job! It doesn't start until September 15th, but that just means we have more time to love each other in person! He will be working at HSBC.

Patrick is getting bigger and bigger, he's starting to talk about what he wants to be and do, and also what he doesn't want to do. He wants to be an astronaught for now... he also doesn't want to do things that are on America's Funniest Home Videos... he'll see a kid trip and get messy or something and he'll say "I don't want to do that"... he says it about 50 times through the show.

Stephen loves animals still. Too much sometimes. We held kitties today and he picked those poor things up like toys - at least we grabbed them before he threw them like toys. He's speaking so well, I'm shocked. If any of you call us, you need to request Me and him to sing a duet, it's the funniest thing (Old Macdonald had a farm...eyiy-yiy-ooooo).

Buddy and C-A-T, YES, we have two new members of our family. We've adopted two young cats a month ago and there's a nice couple fostering them for us. Little CAT (see-A-tee) had a litter of 4 kittens a couple weeks ago and they are so cute, they have homes already, yay. Buddy just lost a body part or two... he'll forgive us one day.

That's it for now, we love you all!

Hello Everyone

2008-07-17T20:29:00.001-06:00

I'm sorry we haven't made a new post in a WHOLE MONTH... I can't believe it's the middle of July.
Enjoy these photos taken in New York! I'll include some in each post from now on.

For those of you who haven't heard, we lost our pregnancy one week after the positive result. So, I'm very glad to have it be sooner rather than later. I should've learned my lesson from past experience not to count on it so soon.

Now I'll tell you some cute news. Stephen is talking up a storm - for a 16 month-old anyway =) He says thank you more clear every day. He says nose, he points to it and yours to make sure you still know where it is. He says peeeee for please and he'll point to be put up in his chair and I'll say up? and then he says doooow. So intelligent - he knows his opposites. ha ha... Patrick sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star perfectly now (He used to say "I don't know what you are" instead of "How I wonder what you are." He also recognizes the written letters A, B, P and S. He likes singing the baseball song still (Take me out to the ball game...) and he's helping Stephen get out of the high chair and his port-a-crib... by knocking it down for him to climb out!

As for Amy and Matthew - we're enjoying the time we have together and adjusting to New York, but also feeling the stress of Matthew finding the perfect job to land in his lap. Did God not get the memo?

I've begun establishing a photo client base and I'm excited for that to grow and still working for www.shopJandL.com - they seriously have any kitchen item you need and MORE. Also parts for Peg Perego, Little Tikes and Power Wheels ride on toys.

We love you all, and if we don't call you with good news, that's because there isn't any YET.

Check out my Slide Show!

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MOVING TO NEW YORK?!

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Yes, it's true. We are loading up and moving across the country. Why? We have no clue other than it feels RIGHT. We still want to keep in touch with everyone, we'll miss our friends and family who live close. Especially my family (amy's). We love you guys so much, and growing up here has been the best - I wouldn't ask for anything different.

This blog will be a good way for you to see what's going on, updated photos and you can post comments with your news or give us a note. We're having an openhouse on the 29th of June for people who live close. Details on the time and location will come later when we know them!

Love you! Amy and gang