Some of you may or may not remember. When Patrick was 18 months old, on several occasions, when he got hurt or upset really fast, he turned blue from not breathing and passed out. The very first time it happened, I was home alone with him, I scolded him for something he did and placed him in time out for the first time. He didn't cry. His lips turned purple, then his face was flushed, then blue... he went limp in my arms. I thought he was dead. Laying him on the floor, I gently shook him, yelling his name through frightened tears, stroking his hair and cheeks. Thinking this was it and my baby, my precious only child, was gone. Just as I was going to give him CPR, his eyes opened and he quietly blinked and acted exhausted. Relieved, I treasured him more than ever.
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It's been really hard for me in the past to trust Heavenly Father's timeline in regards to where I am in life. I always wanted answers to my prayers immediately and also a map drawn out for how long my trials will last and where I'll be at a certain time in the future... hmm, wouldn't that be nice?
So, I've accepted reality for what it is, to take my life day by day, trying to be the best person I can possibly be. I've also reminded myself to treasure the moments with my beautiful boys. I read the 4 Twilight books MOSTLY in time at my graveyard job, on breaks and when the boys were napping. Still, it did take some attention away from them, and I could see they didn't like it. My heart broke when I looked up from a book one evening to tell Patrick to not run around. He said, "when are you going to work, mommy?" So that was all it took. He's so straight-forward, even if he thinks he's saying something that makes sense and it really doesn't. But, I took that to heart and realized that my presence meant nothing when I was reading those books. After I was done, I decided to read books with them.
Tonight I got them kiddie cones for being good while I was at a Relief Society dinner. When we pulled up at the house, I decided to let them finish their ice cream while I read a book to them. They both watched and listened intently, and when I was done, Patrick said, "okay, mommy. Now read us scriptures, it's sitting on the seat." I always have a military sized Book of Mormon in the car or my purse. So, anyway, I was reading from the scriptures and stopped to explain a verse, then continued. They both, again, listened intently and didn't complain.
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I underestimate them. I keep saying they will be my little Stripling Warriors. Today I found new resolve to do everything I can to be a mother to them as the Stripling Warriors' mothers were in the Book of Mormon. I'm canceling my home internet and cable service this month. We'll still have movies and basic TV, but my goal is to have more face-to-face time with them every day. They are so precious and they're growing so fast... I still can't get over Stephen's counting and singing, and Patrick's new-found maturity.
This post kind of hops around, but I'm going to take life one day at a time, being the best I can be, treasuring all aspects of my life while I have them, and taking what life dishes. Love you all!
