So... I saw "The Vow" with my wonderful Sister-in-Law Lisa...
If you don't know the premise, a couple was together for about 4 years, then they were in an accident and the wife's memory was basically blank when it came to the most recent 5 years. Not only did she have to struggle with letting go of a fiance that was no longer in her life and that she loved and married this stranger - she also had to re-evaluate where she thought she would be... she went from law school to art school, living in the suburbs to the city, having straight hair to wavy. She was not who she expected herself to be.
I think we all have an idea in our head of not only who we are, but who we want to be. I teared up when I realized somthing. Let's say LAST year, the most recent 7 years were erased, as a young adult, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. If I woke up to being a mom of 3 working graveyards and no college degree at the age of 26, I would have been devastated. BUT if today my memory of the last 8 years were erased, and I woke up a stay-at-home mom, I would have been thrilled. Here I am, just itching to do something other than just be a stay-at-home mom. I've changed my hat almost as much as I changed my major in college. I got married younger than I thought I would, worked longer than I thought I would and now I'm fatter and more unsettled than I thought I would be.
When I was younger, I had that kind of time to write down and paint a picture in my mind of what I wanted my future to hold. Working 30-40 hours for my first 8 years of marriage was not ideal or planned. But I grew accustomed to it and a working mom was my identity. The timing of becoming a stay-at-home mom was not planned either. By June, it's been a year and I hope I've grown into these shoes by then.
One pound at a time, I'm going the right direction with weight. One project at a time, I'm getting a little more crafty. One meal at a time, I'm trying to be more inventive. I won't just deal with this situation that was thrust upon me, I want to embrace it and allow it to become my new identity - and be OKAY with it.
DEAL WITH IT
So there's a rise in Americans going against the "norm." More are choosing not to vaccinate, to become vegan/vegetarian/organic-only, home school, birth at home... you get the idea. I have a tremendous amount of respect for people that find their groove in life and stick with it. I don't care what people choose to do because it's their business and they have the agency to do what's best for them. There are a couple documentaries and several individuals I've personally witnessed that go beyond changing their own lifestyle to being harshly judgemental for those that don't. They're free-thinkers and they look down upon those who follow the norms of society. It's okay to have pride in your accomplishments, the problem is when your pride allows you to feel better than other people.
Some of these free-thinkers see women who have c-sections as victims of modern medicine. I can ignore them, they don't know me. Someone who was once a very dear friend of mine fell into this group and I'll admit, my blood boiled. I prayed about the doctor I chose, birthing in a hospital and even sought guidance throughout my labor experience. What gives you the right to know what's best for you, but not me? Nothing. My choices are different than yours, deal with it. And when it came to my specific experience, I KNOW either my daughter or both of us would have died if we didn't have a c-section.
SUNSHINE
Yay, it's been a year now and we're finally going on a vacation!!! I can use one, the kids can use one and I know Matthew sure could use one. We are visiting our loved ones in California. Grandparents Garner and awesome Aunt Suzy! We are sooo looking forward to a break and I miss the ocean.
Sorry there was some venting and boredom involved with this post - but I had to get it out! Here's some pictures for entertainment!
