I don't do...I love. That's why I homeschool.

Every homeschooling mother has heard these words in response to this way of schooling, "I could never do that." I was one of those people too... 

My heart is practically beating out of my chest as I share this with you...this is why I stopped my midnight cleaning to BLOG, even at the possibility nobody will read it. It must be said.

I had frustrations with some social-educational developments over the last few years, but it was never something big enough to homeschool my children. If you know me, you have most likely heard our straw that broke the camel's back. My sweet son came home from school acting the most strange he ever has. He wouldn't make one full sentence. He just wanted to sleep, he wasn't making sense and seemed very ill. It was April Fool's day, so I was seriously frightened he had unknowingly eaten something poisonous somehow. My attempts at getting answers from him weren't solving the mystery to his strange behavior...then it dawned on me, and I asked him, "did you hit your head at school today?" His answer, "yes." I took my 7 year-old boy to the doctor. He not only had a concussion, but it caused a chain reaction for a few different infections also. We don't know all the pieces to the puzzle, what we do know is this:

He fell and hit is head on a metal bar of the playground, after the bus dropped children off, but before school started. 

An adult witnessed it, took him to see a nurse, but there wasn't a nurse there. There wasn't any office staff there yet. 

This adult did not call home, he didn't pass this on to his teacher, he sent him straight to class. 

His teacher could tell he wasn't feeling well, but some other kids were ill at home, so she assumed he caught the same illness. She allowed him to nap at his desk.

There are obviously many things wrong with that day. He could have very well died. I could try blaming a variety of people, but it all comes back to ME. His Mother. I'm the one that trusted strangers to care for him. God entrusted me with these precious spirits to raise on Earth, protect, teach and love. I feel like I failed Him that day.

When we first think of "homeschooling," we think of education, curriculum, tests, grades, college... we don't really consider the rest. At school, children are sent off to a handful of adults (strangers, really, do you know who watches your children on the playground?) that will interact with them, teach them, discipline them, observe them. We are allowing those adults to influence them for good or bad. We are asking them to care for our children and protect them. I am very outspoken about many aspects of my life, I feel I have nothing to hide, I love who I am and I love my family. When it comes to homeschooling, I'm not so outspoken. This is because I know everyone then will question the quality of my children's schooling - even I do! 

In school, children learn about a variety of topics - some intentional and planned, some not so much. I don't want you to think that I think I'm better than a teacher. I'm not! Believe me, I'm not... 

What do we lose when we homeschool? Money, time alone, flexibility (try getting a babysitter for 6 kids at 10am for a doctor's appointment), free babysitters... I guarantee you that nobody chooses to homeschool for the perks. If there are any tangible perks, please let me know.

Take the SCHOOL out of homeschool. We say it's where the heart is, right? So why so much negativity about it? I will revisit the idea and pray about the possibility of my children going back to school each year, even each semester. So far, I get a bad feeling. Call it inspiration, call it a gut feeling, whatever it is - it's real. I may be judged for being a homeschooler... but gaps in my children's knowledge will be filled in time, should there be any. I have learned a LOT as an adult, it's painless. One thing that could never be recovered is a serious injury (this includes physical/emotional/spiritual) or death. Can you argue with that?  It's true, accidents and injuries happen aplenty at home... but if they do happen, I will be there in a heartbeat. Not everyone responds to a situation as a parent would. If you ever had the question in your mind (even for an instant) about homeschooling your own children, and your response is, "I could never do that..." Ask yourself what "that" is... is it sacrifice your free time from those needy balls of energy? Is it taking on the responsibility for their educational development?

This is what I have to ask you in return. Wouldn't you do anything for your children when needed? What about ignoring this strong desire of keeping my children spiritually & physically safe for the sake of satisfying society's ideal schooling methods? I could never do that.

I love my children enough to homeschool them. 

**This does not say you don't love your children if you don't homeschool. I respect your journey, this is mine. Thank you.**

You were a great kid before you made this mistake, you will still be great after.

On super short notice, I decided to take my gaggle to a kid's activity place (it's called a museum, but totally isn't)... I was scoping out the place to see if nursing Erica could bother anyone (there were men in the kiddie area and no women, it was odd). I saw the profile of an older gentleman who resembled an elementary teacher of mine. "Mr. Thomas?" I called out...And it was! He scoot closer and we reminisced. I said my maiden name and my siblings to draw up his memory. I introduced him to the 6 kiddos, he introduced me to his grandson.

Let me tell you, as a child, I gave teachers a run for their money, I was difficult. I got kicked out of class several times. Mr. Thomas put my whole desk out in the hallway! I remember talking with friends, probably being louder than I realized at the time... So sitting here as a 30 year old mom, I apologized to him for being such a bad student. He responded, "bad?! My 'bad' students ended up in jail! They were mean! If you were just talking, that's not bad."

I informed him I must have liked him as a teacher because that was the year my mom kept me home with a fever one day and I snuck out and ran to school. He laughed and I could tell he appreciated it. At the end of it all, we hugged and he said "thanks for calling me over!"

Driving home... I was running it all through in my mind...remembering the feelings I had as a kid. Mr. Thomas is a nice man and a nice teacher, I'm sure he meant well... but I really believed he thought I was a bad kid. I remember being so alone in the hallway, being so humiliated as other classes of kids filed by, staring at me. I felt horrible! This is why I want this to be seared into my mind... I need to think of my children's feelings when I'm serving out a punishment/consequence/reprimand.

We DO need to give our children negative consequences for negative actions, but we cannot prioritize fulfilling that need over their value as a person. I truly felt like a horrible person, even looking back, I thought I must have been a terrible kid to be kicked out. Apparently, I wasn't a terrible little kid. I wish I could go back and give that girl in the hallway 60 seconds of my time, give her a hug and remind her she is feeling the result of her actions, not who she is as a person. I would tell her to write her stories down and save them for recess! :P

I will never be a perfect mom, I will have regrets about specific oops moments... but I truly believe it's possible to have NO regrets in just accepting I have done my best. Now one more thing to add to the list is telling my children, "you were a great kid before you ended up here (timeout!), and you will still be a great kid after. We all make mistakes, just keep trying to be your best!"

Our Family is complete!

Wow, my facebook has so many purposes now... I think I want to dive back into blogging a little. This is our family blog and I hope the kids will come back and read it some time :)

What's in a name?
We've had a battle for naming baby number 6. Matthew wanted Hannah so badly and hardly considered anything else. I felt Hannah was a big NO for this girl... that name just seems so calm and gentle... it didn't fit her! She was growing in a war-torn uterus, endured my surgery like a little rock star and just said "STRONG" to me... She is coming in as number six, when we've started homeschooling and I'm overcoming health issues and such. So Matthew and I narrowed down names we both liked on a list and Danica stuck for about a month. A few weeks before she was born, it wasn't settling with me as names did for our other five children. They were all named way earlier in pregnancy and I loved it that way.

I was in labor and demanding that Matthew and I settled on THE name. He mentioned Erica. He seemed to like it, so did I. He looked up the meaning, the Norse translation: Forever Strong. YES, that's it! We didn't say it 100% for sure until she was born, but we love it and it fits her.

Patrick holds her as our extra pair of hands, which is GREAT! She is very trusting of him and Stephen holding her, and calms right down. I love those boys for dropping what they are doing to help with her. William loves her so much and often says out of the blue, "Mommy, I love Erica." awww! Sariah loves her too, and loves to hold her. Julia had NO desire to hold her or anything for about a week, once she held her, she was smitten too. She wanted to pat her head, kiss her and hold her every day ever since :)

She was born January 5, 2015. 5 pounds, 12 ounces, breathing amazingly well... had an unnecessary 5 day stay in the NICU, but we won't get into that! We are blessed and happy to have her and also very happy to say we're DONE. haha

I'll add pics later of course!