Death and Dying

I have always been curious about all the aspects of death. I am taking this course at UVU. Thanantology: Death and Dying. There are sad stories here and there, but a great portion of the class is being prepared. Being prepared for your own death, actually.

There are questions that we never bother to ask ourselves. Yes, thinking of life insurance and who we'll leave our children to cross our minds a lot. But what about specific things?

Do you want to be kept alive by technology if you suffer a major injury? (me: 1 month, if no progress, release) If you're unable to make decisions, who do you trust to make them for you? (Husband and brother. My brother 2nd because I don't feel I even need to talk to him in advance on specifics. He has the same beliefs as me and approaches decisions logically and quickly.) Do you want to be buried or cremated? Who do you want to speak at your funeral? What songs do you want sung? Where do you want to be buried? Are you an organ donor?

A lot of people have the attitude, "I don't care, just bury me." or "I won't care, I'll be dead." What we don't realize is that having everything planned ahead makes things easier on your family you leave behind. How nice a casket is or what you're buried in is really to help them in the process.

They have a few new burial methods happening. One is a "green" burial. You get buried in a simple, bio-degradable box and don't even have a headstone, but a GPS coordinate (since when did rocks become harmful to the environment?)... and to save space and money, you can choose a double plot in a new sense, they dig further than 6 feet, bury whoever dies first and then re-dig and bury the spouse on top of the other one. Matthew and I are okay with that.

This class often causes us to reflect on how we would be in certain situations. Of course I'm super happy to know about the Plan of Salvation. It includes not only where we're going, but why we are on this Earth and where we came from. This opens my understanding and makes me very comforted in knowing I'll be with my loved ones again.

The most painful topic I've often visited since becoming a mother is the loss of a child. It's every parent's nightmare. As a child, I could never really understand what my mother went through when my brother died at the age of 11. I feel her pain now and my heart aches for my parents and my older siblings. I was at the innocent age of 4, I don't believe I was severely impacted by my brother's abscence because I had the childlike faith that he was okay.

So this is the question I often wonder and may never be able to answer. Would I prefer to lose a child in a tragic accident without warning, or have several months or even years of notice? I try to live my life without regret, so I lean towards something sudden. Can you imagine looking at them and knowing they won't graduate high school? Get married on this earth? Learn how to drive a car? Tucking them in, knowing these days won't last? That is like re-opening a wound repeatedly before it finally takes you...

I love you, Mom. You are a strong woman.

Shocked... that I'm not shocked.

I know I just wrote a post. But something happened today.

While driving, I turned a corner at a light, turned back to see what Patrick did to Stephen, turned back to the road and SLAMMED on the brakes -- too late. I rear-ended another car.

Normally, if I have an incident related to the car, I'm bawling and panicking. Today, I was sorry, of course, but extremely and unusually calm. The other driver was fine, I was fine - the airbags didn't deploy. Even when I saw there was a nice, 8" crack on the lower fender and a 2" puckered dent at the edge of the trunk, I was calm. I apologized a couple times, simply dug out the insurance information, called the police, then my husband - which normally, I'm VERY afraid to do when I've made a mistake.

I do believe everything happens for a reason.

I ran through my mind what I did wrong/right today... I went to both my jobs and worked hard, said a sincere and thankful prayer (just 1 hour before the accident), was kind to the kids, ordered modestly at Carl's Jr (we go there once in a while when it's freezing outside so the kids can play)... Then it dawned on me. Perhaps this accident showed me the rewards of trust and faith in the Lord. In the past, I realized I wasn't having TRUE faith by having fear of the unknown, because that wasn't trusting him. I decided to let go of the fear several months ago. My calmness today is an honest reward to show that just because we have great faith or we're doing things right, doesn't mean trials and minor or major downfalls will not happen. Still, I know that He is with me. Let's just hope this wasn't the quiz and the TEST is coming.

I'm taking this opportunity to testify that, through all my faults and imperfections... and family issues... I know Heavenly Father is watching us and protecting us. It's extremely comforting and I appreciate Him revealing to me that He can bring me inner peace in a not-so-peaceful situation. If you haven't tried letting go of all your fears, there's no better time than the present. He offered to carry our burdens, just give them to Him! It's the best insurance you can possibly get yourself.

Amy