As November comes to a close...

Thanksgiving dinner was at this house for the first time EVER - and it was a success! We had a total of 15 people, I believe. After borrowing 2 tables and several chairs from our church building, we were able to all sit around one table! Matthew made the arrangement and set them up himself, thanks hun! I cooked the turkey (for the 3rd time, I believe) and it was fantastic. I put honey and butter under the skin, wrap the turkey in cheesecloth, and this year I experimented by throwing half a lime inside. Sometimes I put some poultry seasoning on it, but that seems to just stay on the surface, so I didn't do it this year. I also made the rolls, stuffing, cheese balls, and mashed potatoes. Visiting family provided cranberry sauce, pies, green been casserole, sweet potato casserole, fruit salad, a green salad... and I think that's it. I'm not putting the family member's names because they're a tad paranoid about being spied on by the government through the internet. Weirdos. ;)

I know December is going to POP out of nowhere, so I wanted to share my facebook Gratitude posts all in one place before it's forgotten. Many people on facebook posted what they were thankful about each day in their status updates and that's a tradition I hope continues every year... obviously it's good to be thankful every day all year round, but not necessarily on facebook.

A friend is posting something she's grateful for every day in November. I like that idea. Today's is I am SO thankful for how beautiful and enjoyable October was. Temps were nice and cool, the snow kept it's distance and we were blessed to enjoy more time outside


I am thankful for this pregnancy being so healthy and easy for me!


My mom had a son that lost a battle with brain cancer. Today makes the 1 year anniversary for the same diagnosis of a friend's little boy -who is winning the battle! Today i'm grateful for the reminders around me of how precious life is.

Today i'm thankful to experience for myself and pass on to my children...if you stop and pray to your Father in Heaven, your day goes so much better.

I am thankful for having more time together as a family every Saturday. I'm also very thankful for my husband helping me clean today!

I am so thankful for patrick. He is creative, curious, compassionate and one heck of a big brother... for Stephen, he has enthusiasm for life, wants to share fun times with others and patience w/being stuck in the middle...William-where there's a will, there's a way.

I am thankful for facebook. While we shouldn't allow it to replace a phone call, letter or visit, it sure has helped me feel more connected to friends and family.

I am thankful for tylenol.

I am thankful when my boys wake up happy and like to play together... Even if it's 7am.

I am thankful that God put cocoa beans on this planet to make all-things-chocolate possible!

I am thankful for Fridays!

I am thankful for 2nd chances.

I am thankful for luxuries like a heater, an oven, microwave, television, plumming, refrigerator, computer, phone...hats off to people that lived 200 years ago,i know I couldn't.

I am thankful for Matthew, I never called him my "best friend," as a lot of couples do... then I realized, he's the one I WANT to talk to and do things with. I try to get involved in his interests and I want him to be happy. He cares about my happiness. He is my best friend. :)

I'm very very thankful Patrick's little head injury didn't end in the dr's office. He hit his head on a pipe in the laundry room, about 1/2 inch cut that stopped bleeding in just a few minutes. Good way to kick off his bday! I was in labor with him today,7 years ago :)

I am thankful for knowledge and how accessible it is! If we don't know about something- we can look it up in a matter of seconds :)

I am thankful to be living in a house! We found the perfect house for our family and have zero regrets. I'm thankful for the 7 years of living in apartments to appreciate it more.

I am thankful for family. I am so looking forward to being together with a lot of family members from Matthew's side for Thanksgiving!

I am thankful to be alive with reminders to savour what moments I have on this earth. I had to read obituaries and write my own for an assignment. Physical death is a stranger to no one.

I am so thankful for Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice. I know he didn't do it just for repentance of sins, he also wanted to know exactly how I feel so he could know exactly how to help me. That level of unselfishness is beyond my understanding.

I am thankful for music and dancing! I love watching the kids dance :D

I am thankful for the nights when I get quality sleep, I am thankful to be in awe of watching my children grow and learn, I am thankful for hot cocoa and cinnamon toast.

I am thankful for my pregnancy going so well to this point, i'm thankful we all get a little break for Thanksgiving and I am very thankful for a bed to sleep in in...at least, sleep in when I fall back asleep.

I am so thankful for my family- immediate and extended, for the beauty around me all throughout the year and for the kindness of others. I am very thankful for this holiday that has inspired myself and others to first be thankful before we complain, vent, share an opinion or anecdote. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I am thankful we don't have the money for Black Friday "fun"... I am extremely thankful even though we don't have any form of health insurance and this pregnancy was unplanned, we can afford to pay for our medical care. AND we are 2-3 months away from being out of credit card debt.

30 weeks today! And I am thankful for Michigan football giving my husband and our family to cheer for every saturday.

I am thankful for music and the joy it brings into our lives... I just hope I don't bring sadness into the lives of the children in our primary as I get the hang of being the new Primary Chorister!

I am so thankful that the sprinkler in our back yard burst in time for our neighbor to hear it at 3:30am when he was going to work, otherwise water would have guzzled out for hours!
So there you have it. Guess what? We're actually paying off our last two credit cards this week - ahead of schedule! Woot :) That feels so nice. I AM SO THANKFUL to Matthew for making a plan and following it through to no longer feel the weight of that debt. Now we're tackling our student loans.

I hope you all had a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Do you watch Jon & Kate plus 8?

Hi everyone. I know that's a silly title, but I've watched that family since their show started.

For those that don't know, they're a couple with twins and sextuplets with a reality show on TLC. Recently, Jon's been acting like a teenager, going to clubs and such while Kate was on a book tour. There were rumor's he was having a full-out affair, but he's denying it, so we'll say the worst is his questionable behavior. Good husbands know going to a night club when married is a no no!

So, their lives have been in the limelight anyway and now they're in the tabloids. The latest episode included them addressing the latest "news" of their drama and Kate feels they're on the brink of divorce - mostly Jon's choice.

This is too ironic. I was watching an episode from the last season when Matthew was living in New York. At the time, I thought I was on the brink of divorce and in their episode, they renewed their wedding vows - a big shabang in Hawaii. I remember crying because I wanted a marriage like that. I wanted to be so in love and commited that we would publicly do it over again.

Now, I'm so happy to report, my marriage is the BEST it has ever been. Seriously, though we still have daily blahness and frustrations that come with life and kids - I'm more happily married now than I was as a newlywed. Matthew and I really have changed as people over time, and it could've played a part in breaking us apart. I don't know what did it. I certainly know my time of being the only parent with the boys for 6 months dished me some humility I never expected... I don't know what took place in Matthew's mind and heart as well - but truly, he has exceeded my expectations and I can honestly say I feel I don't deserve him. I was "public" on this blog about our issues, so I am happy to be public that we are doing GREAT. I am SO happy I didn't file for a divorce.

As in Ratatouille, "the only thing predictable about life is it's unpredictability." I thought we were going to have a ton to get over to have a happy marriage and it would take a long time to recover. But I've been in bliss for 3 months and can't wait to see what the future holds. Marriage is a looooooooong road, but I certainly have more faith and hope in changes that can take place within us and our relationship for the good.

Seeing Jon and Kate's update today made me cry in sadness for them, but made me very grateful and happy for how far we've come. If being apart for 6 months is what it took for this miracle, I would do it over again for the same results any day.

I love you honey!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

This Holiday Season has been extremely strange and hard for me to enjoy. Not due to anybody, but I wanted Patrick to think Christmas was on the 6th of January... I didn't have money or time for presents for the kids, or anyone, for that matter. With unexpected bank & credit card issues, and other expenses, money's still tight, despite working two jobs.

Thanks to the efforts of my loving ward, this past Sunday morning, a gentleman came with 2 bags full of presents for the boys and myself. I cried for at least an hour, and now again, just thinking about it. The boxes could be empty and still have the same effect. I never told anyone in the ward I was struggling, and didn't complain. These gifts are a reminder that our Savior is watching over us, God cares about us and loves us. Just to know they were thinking of me and the boys means SO MUCH, words cannot describe it.

My sister and Mother have been a GREAT help, they will never know what they mean to me. Now that they're out of town, I'm definitely able to see exactly how much they've been helping me. Finding people to help out was difficult, for the graveyard shift and some day time hours. But loving people came through! I have and will be receiving help with the boys from: My brother and his wife (on top of their 4 children!), a couple from my old ward (Thank you, Hill Family), a few sisters in my current ward, including a nice sister that watched me and my siblings when I was a child! Thank you so much, everyone!!!

My mom placed a few Christmas decorations around the house over the past few weeks that brought the realization of the season into my home... then this evening, my dear friend, Pam, who was helping me with the boys, put beautiful christmas lights up in the living room and some crafty candy canes for our little $8 tree! Thank you, Pam, the boys love the lights.

It's so sad to be away from Matthew, luckily we'll have a delayed Christmas with him at the beginning of January.

This Christmas will be the most memorable of my life. Feeling so much love and support from friends, family and strangers than ever before!

Shocked... that I'm not shocked.

I know I just wrote a post. But something happened today.

While driving, I turned a corner at a light, turned back to see what Patrick did to Stephen, turned back to the road and SLAMMED on the brakes -- too late. I rear-ended another car.

Normally, if I have an incident related to the car, I'm bawling and panicking. Today, I was sorry, of course, but extremely and unusually calm. The other driver was fine, I was fine - the airbags didn't deploy. Even when I saw there was a nice, 8" crack on the lower fender and a 2" puckered dent at the edge of the trunk, I was calm. I apologized a couple times, simply dug out the insurance information, called the police, then my husband - which normally, I'm VERY afraid to do when I've made a mistake.

I do believe everything happens for a reason.

I ran through my mind what I did wrong/right today... I went to both my jobs and worked hard, said a sincere and thankful prayer (just 1 hour before the accident), was kind to the kids, ordered modestly at Carl's Jr (we go there once in a while when it's freezing outside so the kids can play)... Then it dawned on me. Perhaps this accident showed me the rewards of trust and faith in the Lord. In the past, I realized I wasn't having TRUE faith by having fear of the unknown, because that wasn't trusting him. I decided to let go of the fear several months ago. My calmness today is an honest reward to show that just because we have great faith or we're doing things right, doesn't mean trials and minor or major downfalls will not happen. Still, I know that He is with me. Let's just hope this wasn't the quiz and the TEST is coming.

I'm taking this opportunity to testify that, through all my faults and imperfections... and family issues... I know Heavenly Father is watching us and protecting us. It's extremely comforting and I appreciate Him revealing to me that He can bring me inner peace in a not-so-peaceful situation. If you haven't tried letting go of all your fears, there's no better time than the present. He offered to carry our burdens, just give them to Him! It's the best insurance you can possibly get yourself.

Amy

2,000 Miles never seemed so far

I wanted to first elaborate on what Amy has already said about my jobs.

I work two jobs, one for HSBC Bank and the other for Nichols School. Contrary to ignorant Utah opinion (for some reason many Utahns have never heard of it), HSBC is in fact one of the World's largest and most well-known banks. In fact, if Citi had been allowed to fail, HSBC would have become the #1 Global Bank. As it is, HSBC is #3 in the USA behind Citi and Bank of America. Kind of odd how you can be #2 in the world and #3 in the USA, but it true. HSBC is also known for its financial soundness. Fortune Magazine recently stated that HSBC was one of the most well-funded banks on earth. HSBC bases this soundness in not having become involved in sub-prime mortgages and having more money in deposits than they have lent out. This second fact is in stark contrast to WaMu's recent failure where they were estimated to have loaned out $16 for every $1 on deposit.

Nichols School is a non-denominational prep school in Buffalo and boasts some ridiculous stats. The vast majority of the kids who graduate from the school go to the school of their choice, and most of the time, that choice is Ivy League. The school's most (currently) recognizable graduate is Christian Laettner who played Basketball at Nichols, Duke University, and in the NBA. I work at Dann Memorial Rink where I drive the zamboni and basically run the whole rink on my nights (Wed and Fri). Yes, it is fun to drive the zamboni.

Now to talk more in relation to the title of the post.

As anybody reading this blog knows, I am currently separated from my family by about 2,000 miles, 7 states, two time zones, and any other way the distance could be described. For me, it is a personal hell. I love my family so much and it makes me feel empty, incomplete, not whole, to not have them with me. Much to Amy's chagrin, I spend a decent amount of time watching movies or playing video games, but not for the reasons you would think. I don't do these things because I have tons of free time and nothing to do, or because I am lazy, but rather because they provide distraction from my sad reality. And they don't do that great of a job at it either.

What is especially depressing is what I am missing in my kids development. Patrick is talking more and more clearly, and is acting more mature. He is learning primary songs and how to share toys and be nice to other kids. Stephen is talking up a storm, and recently began counting (without even being taught by either parent). He also is learning to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Alphabet Song and sometimes confuses the two since they use the same tune. While I get to hear some of these happenings over the phone, I don't witness the majority of them. Apparently, Stephen recently had an argument with his Mother in which he decided he wanted to wear underwear and not a diaper. As relayed to me it went something like, "Uh-wear!, Uh-wear!, No Duper! No Duper!" and then he ran (butt naked) and got underwear out of a drawer. I wish I could have seen that because I would have laughed so hard at how cute and funny that was.

I miss lots of things about Amy. One of them being how cute she looks when asleep, except when she snores. Sorry hun, its true, you snore on occasion. I also miss her making Biscuits and Gravy just for me (she isn't a big fan). Mostly I just miss having my best friend around to be with, talk to, joke with, play games with, etc. The day and a half I spent on a short trip to Utah was easily the bright spot in an otherwise black last 2 1/2 months.

I miss them so much, and constantly count the days till they will be with me again. As of this post, 21 days by plane or a few more by car.

Friendship

I have been a really great friend to few people, not a good friend to most. I've only had great friends a few at a time, not even many good ones.
Just as God will only give us much when we give him all that is required of us. I can't expect people to send me an e-mail when I haven't sent them one or call me when I haven't called them. I also can't have an excuse that my life is stressful, busy and unpredictable... because almost everyone could use that as an excuse too. Being the youngest of 5 and maybe just a gift I've been blessed with, I learn a lot just from observing people...we've had a lot of communication open up with friends and family recently, which is great. I just wish it wasn't miscommunication or drama that brought us together. Thank you to all my friends and family that have kept in touch with me, and thank you to those who have been open to learning facts from me and Matthew directly. I hope and pray that we can support each other more and more as each day passes.