2,000 Miles never seemed so far

I wanted to first elaborate on what Amy has already said about my jobs.

I work two jobs, one for HSBC Bank and the other for Nichols School. Contrary to ignorant Utah opinion (for some reason many Utahns have never heard of it), HSBC is in fact one of the World's largest and most well-known banks. In fact, if Citi had been allowed to fail, HSBC would have become the #1 Global Bank. As it is, HSBC is #3 in the USA behind Citi and Bank of America. Kind of odd how you can be #2 in the world and #3 in the USA, but it true. HSBC is also known for its financial soundness. Fortune Magazine recently stated that HSBC was one of the most well-funded banks on earth. HSBC bases this soundness in not having become involved in sub-prime mortgages and having more money in deposits than they have lent out. This second fact is in stark contrast to WaMu's recent failure where they were estimated to have loaned out $16 for every $1 on deposit.

Nichols School is a non-denominational prep school in Buffalo and boasts some ridiculous stats. The vast majority of the kids who graduate from the school go to the school of their choice, and most of the time, that choice is Ivy League. The school's most (currently) recognizable graduate is Christian Laettner who played Basketball at Nichols, Duke University, and in the NBA. I work at Dann Memorial Rink where I drive the zamboni and basically run the whole rink on my nights (Wed and Fri). Yes, it is fun to drive the zamboni.

Now to talk more in relation to the title of the post.

As anybody reading this blog knows, I am currently separated from my family by about 2,000 miles, 7 states, two time zones, and any other way the distance could be described. For me, it is a personal hell. I love my family so much and it makes me feel empty, incomplete, not whole, to not have them with me. Much to Amy's chagrin, I spend a decent amount of time watching movies or playing video games, but not for the reasons you would think. I don't do these things because I have tons of free time and nothing to do, or because I am lazy, but rather because they provide distraction from my sad reality. And they don't do that great of a job at it either.

What is especially depressing is what I am missing in my kids development. Patrick is talking more and more clearly, and is acting more mature. He is learning primary songs and how to share toys and be nice to other kids. Stephen is talking up a storm, and recently began counting (without even being taught by either parent). He also is learning to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Alphabet Song and sometimes confuses the two since they use the same tune. While I get to hear some of these happenings over the phone, I don't witness the majority of them. Apparently, Stephen recently had an argument with his Mother in which he decided he wanted to wear underwear and not a diaper. As relayed to me it went something like, "Uh-wear!, Uh-wear!, No Duper! No Duper!" and then he ran (butt naked) and got underwear out of a drawer. I wish I could have seen that because I would have laughed so hard at how cute and funny that was.

I miss lots of things about Amy. One of them being how cute she looks when asleep, except when she snores. Sorry hun, its true, you snore on occasion. I also miss her making Biscuits and Gravy just for me (she isn't a big fan). Mostly I just miss having my best friend around to be with, talk to, joke with, play games with, etc. The day and a half I spent on a short trip to Utah was easily the bright spot in an otherwise black last 2 1/2 months.

I miss them so much, and constantly count the days till they will be with me again. As of this post, 21 days by plane or a few more by car.

Trial and Error

I'm learning so much lately. For a long time now, I believed I learned a lot as a teenager, and only a little as an adult. I thought that I was growing slowly and had to try HARD to get an actual "life experience" once in a while.

"Distance makes the heart go fonder."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"No pain, no gain."

None of those really meant much to me. Tonight I heard this one in a movie, "I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? With recipes telling us exactly what to do."

"...It's the recipes you create, yourself, that are the best."

Some people that have eaten meals created by my hand know that the good ones came from the freezer or a box! I have prepared some successful dishes from start to finish, but they were never perfect on the first try. I may have some successful moments as a mother, but I was nowhere near perfection in the beginning, nor am I now. Still, I learn what works and what doesn't by trial and error, just like my mystery casseroles or experimental pork chops.

I love the life I have been given, and I'm lucky to have been in it long enough to know which choices bring happiness and which ones bring on the "tough days." I also know what I want, the problem is knowing which ingredients will achieve those results. Being the youngest member of my family, I think I gained a lot simply by observing my parents and four older siblings. I learned how to deal with death, depression, practice and being good at sports and musical instruments, no practice and failing at sports and musical instruments... I learned how the gospel of Jesus Christ applied in some way in every aspect of my life can turn a hum drum appetizer into an irresistibly delicious entree. In these times, we have every life lesson and skill in books - we have billions of recipes in tons of cookbooks recorded over decades.

Sometimes I know we could avoid errors by following the recipe laid out for specific problems we face in our families or society in the scriptures or history books, but sometimes we choose to experiment instead.

I guess keeping a journal is like writing down the ingredients and the consequences you tasted afterwards.

Well, without dumping all my mistakes on everyone, just know I'm doing my best, I'm learning my recipes by guidance from the Master Chef and also by trial and error. I love all my friends and family, past and present, who help contribute to my concoctions.

Thank you

Update

Hi everyone, there's nothing big to update you on. Me and the kids are still here in Orem, Utah. Matthew is still in New York. He had his first angry customers on the phone for HSBC, but he still likes working there. The rink has benefits he wasn't aware of, such as some hockey players paying him to stay on the ice a little longer. Matthew's boss calls them "tips," not bribes. :)

I'm trying to get as many hours in work as I can, my mom is watching the boys Mon-Wed and our friend Leslie is still watching them for me Thursdays and Fridays. Patrick and Stephen love the crafts and activities with Grandma and look forward to playing with Leslie's boys - so both are a good balance for them. I love being back in my old ward and still love our apartment. I'm used to the bugs now - yay for basements!

The cats are great with the kids too! They used to avoid the boys at all costs, but now they're so good with them. Especially Buddy, he'll be pathetically still while Stephen attempts to pick him up again and again. Poor guy.

Matthew's coming for a quick visit this Friday and I am SOOO excited! It will be fun to see each other after being apart so long. As far as we can tell, things are staying the way they are until May. Other than 3 weeks of me and the kids spending Christmas in NY... we'll see how that goes.

We love you all, we appreciate you and we hope your lives are going well! There's nothing predictable about it, I hope it eventually takes you where you WANT to end up!

Love, Amy, Bumblebee and Batman(their Halloween identities)